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August 23, 2012

Legitimate Rape & (So-Called) False Accusations

We were planning to write a real blog about Rep. Todd Akin and his reprehensible comments about "legitimate rape" (and we still probably will) but for now, we have to address a really terrible blog we read on the subject and the conversation with the author that subsequently took place in the comments section.

We feel that some of the arguments she made in her blog were extremely problematic and offensive. We also found some plot holes in the story that she used to defend those arguments. However when we called the veracity of her claims into question we were shut down and some of our comments were deleted. We didn't intend to take this particular conversation off the original site, but when the author started deleting our comments and making accusations and putting words in our mouths, we felt like it was time to take it to our blog. We respect her right to keep or delete whatever she wants on her own website, but we still feel that this merits criticism and that criticism deserves to be seen. She had to expect this kind of reaction when she chose to defend Todd Akin and perpetuate dangerous misconceptions about rape...

You can read the original post "What I Have to Say About 'Legitimate Rape'" in its entirety at BetweenMySheets.com (NSFW) but this is the specific part that we found problematic:

13 comments:

Jennifer Zimmerman said...

This is so depressing. Though I suspected that this is why a lot of Republican women haven't lost their minds over Akin's comments. They don't want to admit that they've been raped.

Melissa said...

Thank you for responding to her so articulately.

For some reason, it hurts so much more when this shit comes from a woman.

missy said...

thank you for an excellent post...it makes me hurt inside when women think that it is ok slut shame another women...

Anonymous said...

Rori's comments are absolutely awful. Defending the term "legitimate rape" is such a disservice to women, especially those who have been raped and sexually assaulted. During my freshman year of college, I was sexually assaulted by a very drunk man. I did not fight back. I just went numb. Thankfully, he passed out before it went any further. I had opportunities to tell someone what happened, but I didn't because I thought that what happened to me wasn't really wrong because I did not fight back. I blamed myself because of terms like "legitimate rape." It wasn't until my junior year in college that I joined a support group for college students who had been raped/or experience sexual assault. Many of them voiced feelings similar to mine. No one has the authority to redefine rape. Rape, simply put, is sex without consent.

Mel said...

I was sexually assaulted on a train once. I didn't say 'no' or tell him to stop, because I wasn't even really sure in the moment if he was doing it on purpose or if it was just the trains fault, but also I just didn't want to make a scene. I never reported it or told anyone because I figured I'd be judged for not protecting myself or stopping it. It's people like them that make so victims afraid to seek help.

scarletrosevixen said...

Thank you so much for this, I had read it while the conversation in the comments where going on and personally wanted to respond but everything she had said just had me so upset.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for having the courage to stand up to Rori when I didn't.

Reggie said...

He's an idiot, but I always want to hear what these people really think.....that's important. I don't think that people should be put off by this, they should be happy that he spoke up. Now we know he's a complete idiot!!

I can't imagine why ANY woman would want to vote Republican. Women need to come together. There are more of them in this country than men. So why haven't we had a woman president?!? Why is it that only six of the fifty states have women governors right now?!? Why is it that only seventeen of the current hundred senators are women?!? Hell I'm sure women wouldn't have fucked up the government anywhere near as bad as we men have in the last couple of hundred years.

Hell it's all ya'll's fault (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)!!!

People just as stupid as Akin represent tens of millions of people in our Congress. I can't believe that someone's tax dollars pays this fool's salary. Of course, there are days that I sit back and contemplate the realities of my tax dollars paying Lindsey Graham's and Jim DeMint's salaries. They're fucking idiots!! Lindsey and Jim see no reason not to vote themselves pay increases; however, they get very passionate about explaining why they can't see themselves increasing our national minimum wage. How about that?!? They won't help the least of us.....but they have no problem padding their own pockets.

They're all worthless bastards!!!!

Mama By The Bay said...

Wow. Thank you for your thoughtful, honest responses to that horrible blog post. As a sexual assault survivor, I don't often have the courage or emotional energy to tackle things like this. Thank you for educating her FOR me, and for thousands of women like me. I wanted to stand up and cheer when you brought up how incredibly hard it is to get someone "thrown out" of college. Even with a police report, a medical report/rape kit, and countless retellings of what happened to me, the most I ever got was "We'll help you to transfer out of the class you have with YOUR RAPIST, but we can't force him to do anything to HIS schedule". So thank you, for fighting the good fight for all of us.

THE EVIL SLUT CLIQUE said...

We have a lot of mixed feelings about all the people who have commented here or messaged us privately to thank us for this post and our comments on Rori's blog. On the one hand, we're glad that you like what we wrote and we're glad that we were able to help and/or be a voice for you when you weren't able to. On the other hand, it's sad to see so many people negatively affected by rape or sexual assault.

We did end up going back to comment again (after this blog was posted) which was an act of futility. Rori also posted a follow-up blog that was... not much better than the original. So we guess she hasn't learned anything from this discussion, except that "we’re clearly not going to agree on this".

mama by the bay said...

I appreciate your follow-up comment, but I have to say that I see only positives coming from what you have written. Yes, sexual assault is sad. But the more we talk about it, the more we win. Leaving a comment here was the first time I've ever used specifics about what happened to me, and attached my name to it. That is progress. That means we win. I think that the work is in brainstorming how we can all put our voices together, into a collective rebel yell, so that we are louder than Akin or that ridiculous blogger that you were talking about. The wheels have started turning for me, and that is an important step.

Anonymous said...

You know, I've only kind of followed this debate and was appalled by the message it sends but didn't think much beyond that. But this post got my gears spinning: I think the crux of the problem about men (and women) thinking rape is a violent act is that they are forced to confront the fact they have probably raped women (or these women have been raped). Having someone touching or caressing or kissing against another person's 'no's and insistance to stop yet don't stop - for the man (and the woman) to suddenly be faced with the fact that that's rape, definitely creates a sense of unease. Women's thoughts are"Ohmygod was I raped that time when I kept saying no and eventually just went along with it to get it over with or make him stop?" Or,men's thoughts "Did I rape that girl that time I kept pushing her further and further?" Unless rape is violent its not legitmate- At least that's what I'm hearing in the 'legimate rape'arguement. And so if rape is not just the violent attack aspect of it and includes a spectrum of behavior, so many more people are faced with uneasy thoughts about encounters that may have been rape.

So for me, this understanding of rape means that 95% of the time I have sex I'm raped and let me tell you...it's not a comfortable thing to deal with.

It may be why people are quick to agree with and defend Akin.

sarah said...

I was raped in college. I went through the whole college judicial process. The problem with private universities (and I attend and Ivy) is that they tend to pass the buck. The police force is really shitty. They don't want to actually do anything other than hand out jay walking tickets and falsify crime statistics.

So it ends up going to a judicial administrator. The guy was rich so he tried offering a donation of 60k to a woman's center or something in exchange for no punishment. I stayed firm and said no. He finally was suspended for two years and had his degree withheld. He also could not contact me under any circumstance.

Despite this my parents have received offensive and threatening letters to their address. Because it's anonymous, the police won't do anything.

It's really depressing.