When we flipped it open, we immediately noticed an article full of really sexist generalizations: Think Like a Lady, Act Like a Man (I know what you're thinking... sexist generalizations in Cosmo? Shocking). In it, Mina Azodi advises women to pretty much trade one totally offensive sexist stereotype for another totally offensive sexist stereotype. Yay, fun!
Generalize like Cosmo: Women are insecure and self-conscious about their looks. Men are immature and gross.
Think Like a Lady: Shit, I have a pimple, and it's ginormous. I hope my guy doesn't notice it.
Act Like a Man: Point it out to him and make a joke, like, "Look, I grew a third nipple. Sexy, huh?"
Generalize like Cosmo: Women love to shop! (And talk about shopping.) And to make men happy. Men are thoughtless and unimaginative.
Think Like a Lady: I need to find my boyfriend a birthday present he'll love.Act Like a Man: Remember the gift he really liked last year? Buy that, but in a different color.
Generalize like Cosmo: The only reason to be knowledgeable about current events is for cocktail party chit chat. Women are insecure and don't want anyone to find out that they're actually really stupid. Men don't care if everyone thinks they're stupid. Men think Dane Cook is actually funny.
Think Like a Lady: I should brush up on current events so I'll have some convo starters for this cocktail party.
Act Like a Man: Memorize a few jokes from Dane Cook's new stand-up routine. Recite them whenever there's a lull in conversation.
Generalize like Cosmo: Women are obsessed with taming their lady parts - of course, so they can make their men happy. (If you're a real "lady" that obviously means you wax). Men don't care about personal grooming. (They clearly don't have any incentive to make blow jobs easier on their significant others).
Think Like a Lady: Time for my monthly Brazilian torture. Awesome.
Act Like a Man: Let it grow. Proudly give it a nickname, like your Lady Jungle.
Generalize like Cosmo: Women are insecure. Men are rude and conceited. There is no option in between these two extremes.
Think Like a Lady: I'm not sure if my idea is any good, but maybe I will suggest it.Act Like a Man: Interrupt whoever is talking and say you have the million-dollar solution.
Think Like a Lady: If I get the large fries, I won't fit into my skinny jeans.Generalize like Cosmo: Women are always dieting. Because they're insecure. Men are pigs. And possibly fat. (But it's okay, because they're men).
Act Like a Man: Supersize it and unbutton your stretch low-riders.
Generalize like Cosmo: Only women take care of their responsibilities. Men are lazy and love porn.
Think Like a Lady: I'll watch TV after I do laundry and about 10 other things that are on my to-do list.
Act Like a Man: Sit on couch. Death-grip remote. Scan HD channels for Vince Vaughn or soft porn.
Generalize like Cosmo: Women are insecure at work... except when they have PMS and then become crazy bitchy. That's why we should only let men be in positions of authority. (Also because all men think that women are hormonal, crazy, and/or bitchy, they'd never respect a female boss anyway.)
Think Like a Lady: What crawled up the boss's ass today? I hope she isn't pissed at me.
Act Like a Man: Blame her bad mood on PMS, because it can't possibly be you.
Generalize like Cosmo: Women are insecure. Men are conceited.
Think Like a Lady: Shut up! I don't really look good in that picture. My hair is all crazy.
Act Like a Man: Actually accept the damn compliment... and believe it.
Generalize like Cosmo: Women are still insecure. Men are obsessed with penis size.
Think Like a Lady: That girl is so much skinnier/prettier/smarter than I am.
Act Like a Man: Console yourself by rationalizing that your G-spot is probably bigger than hers.
Notice the recurring theme of women being constantly insecure about everything? And we thought Cosmo was supposed to be the magazine for "fun fearless females". I guess in order to be fun and fearless... we have to be less female?