Yes, this thing is actually called a Man Wall. It was developed by a company called Hybrid Space Furniture, and it's got multiple flat-screen HDTVs, a DVD player, ipod deck, microwave, wine rack, sports ticker, built-in beer refrigerator with tap, surround sound, and not one but two cigar humidors. You know, all of the essentials...if you're a man. No girls allowed! We have to stay in the other room and watch Oprah or Sex And The City while the men plan out their NFL Sunday Ticket schedule at the most holy manly Man Wall.
Here are some of the fun phrases that Hybrid Space Furniture uses to sell the Man Wall on their site and in the official press release:The amazingly awesomely super cool Man Wall can be yours for the very reasonable price of $14,900, plus the cost of shipping. (And I used to think the NFL Sunday Ticket price tag was a problem, but that's a bargain by comparison. But if anyone wants to contribute to the ESC NFL Sunday Ticket Fund, we're totally cool with that. Well, actually only I'm cool with it, the rest of the ESC couldn't care less about football. You know, cause some women like sports and some women don't, just like some men like sports and some men don't, and why the hell is this still such a hard concept to grasp in 2009?! Okay, I digress, time to close parentheses and get back to making fun of the Man Wall.) In this economy, who doesn't have that kind of extra money laying around, right?
The world’s first Man Wall is the Taj Mahal of man necessities. [Yes, the similarities between this entertainment sports beer cigar insanity thing and the Taj Majal are just endless.]
A Bradenton, Florida company is rolling out the world’s first “Man Wall” and it’s the ultimate big boy toy.
The innovation is the brainchild of two designers who saw a gap in the rising popularity of “Man Rooms.” [There's a gap in the popularity?]
HybridSpace, LLC, the company that manufacturers the unit came up with the idea after realizing that there is nothing on the market for the consumer who wants instant gratification. Currently, you either spend weeks building your own Man Room or pay somebody else to do it for you. Either way, you will be inconvenienced for several weeks while the room is under construction. This is for the guy who doesn’t have the time to build his own man room or simply wants one of the coolest gadgets on the planet. [I can't tell you how many men I know who have this problem.]
“Besides looking like something you would see on MTV Cribs, the Man Wall is extremely practical in that it will fit in almost any size room,” Caruso said. [When I tell you how much this thing costs, the phrase "extremely practical" will be the last one to ever come to mind.]
I first read about the Man Wall on Fanhouse.com. (Despite what the Cosmo editors might imagine, I didn't experience some sort of estrogen surge that caused me to close the tab and switch to a pink girly site instead.) Blogger Matt Snyder had some reservations:
We can't believe he's suggesting that some of these features might not be 100% essential. And to even go farther and say that he's fine with getting up and walking to his kitchen to get food and beer? And that not doing so might be lazy? Clearly this is crazy talk. But for all of his criticisms of the Man Wall, Snyder doesn't include the fact that it's called a Man Wall and embraces pretty much every single stereotype of men and sports fans that exists.
After initially taking this all in and thinking about how great it would be, I can't help but wonder how difficult it would be to tailor something your own for much cheaper. They do say on the website they are willing to customize anything you wish, but still, aren't we getting a bit lazy?
As a personal example, I love the keg and tap thing, but I could just as easily settle for walking 25 feet to my fridge for a bottle of suds. I don't smoke cigars. I don't drink wine. While it looks really cool, I'm not sure the score ticker is incredibly necessary, especially since I'd have my computer sitting there with my live fantasy football scores -- which also shows the scores of the real games as well. You could also be watching March Madness on this bad boy, but there are only four games maximum being played at the same time. And I already have a microwave right next to the refrigerator.
So, what if I just grabbed the four TVs, the iPod docking station, a home theater surround sound system and a DVD player? Couldn't I save a ton of money even after purchasing the NFL Sunday Ticket, MLB Extra Innings and NCAA March Madness packages (my own personal choices)? And each of us would have different features we'd like to keep. Some guys might definitely need the humidors but think the DVD player and iPod are unnecessary.
Oh, I almost forgot. You can get your Man Wall customized, and they'll even paint it in your favorite team's colors. (Classy!) We've decided to start saving up for a red and purple ESC Wall so that we can drink beer and watch football, Vh1 Celebreality, Secret Life of the American Teenager, and Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List all at the same time.