Disclaimer

Some parts of this blog may contain adult-oriented material. (It is NOT porn or erotica, but some of the content is inappropriate for children). If you are under your country's legal age to view such material or find it to be "objectionable", please leave this page now. Reader discretion is advised...but if you couldn't infer from the title that this may be an adult-oriented blog, then you shouldn't be on the Internet at all.

Everything on the Evil Slutopia blog is copyrighted by the E.S.C. and ESC Forever Media and may not be used without credit to the authors. But feel free to link to us as much as you want! For other legal information, disclaimers and FAQs visit ESCForeverMedia.com.

April 29, 2008

The Miley Cyrus "Scandal"

You can't turn on the TV this week without hitting a report about the latest "scandal" involving Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana. Some pictures have surfaced from a photo shoot that Miley did for Vanity Fair magazine. Along with some kinda sorta creepyish pictures of her posing with her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, there is an image of Miley posing topless, covering up with what looks like a bed sheet. It's understandable that an image like this would be considered provocative by some people, but with the insane level of coverage of this "scandal", you would think that Miley had released a video of herself having a threesome with a couple of transsexual little people or something.
























First of all, there are quite a few people in the media who need to just shut up about this altogether. If the ladies of The View want to weigh in, okay. (I'm not actually going to watch the clip of them discussing this, and instead will just assume that I agree with Whoopi Goldberg and save myself the aggravation.) If E! News and Entertainment Tonight want to obsess? Fine. But Neil Cavuto and Bill O'Reilly? No. Shut up about it. Talk about the election, the recession, the war--you know, actual news stories? I know you're not very good at covering those things intelligently either, but we have to draw the line somewhere.

On the one hand, I understand the argument that some people are making that this image of Miley is inappropriate because of her age, and that it's another example of the hypersexualization of young girls in our society. Young female celebrities shouldn't feel like they have to be sexy, especially in ways that they're not comfortable with, in order to stay popular.

But on the other hand, I'm not entirely sure that's exactly what's happening here. The picture was shot by photographer Annie Leibovitz, who released this statement.
"I'm sorry that my portrait of Miley has been misinterpreted. Miley and I looked at fashion photographs together, and we discussed the picture in that context before we shot it.

"The photograph is a simple, classic portrait, shot with very little make-up, and I think it is very beautiful."

Miley's parents were on the set during the shoot, so it seems that they were okay with the photo, and Miley doesn't look uncomfortable in this behind the scenes shot from Vanity Fair's website. She just looks like a teenager goofing off and having fun.




















Some people have argued that Miley is giving a 'come hither' look in the picture, or that because it shows her 'topless' with messy hair and little makeup it is obviously meant to look like some sort of post-coital afterglow morning after suggestive thing. I think it's a little bit of a stretch to turn Miley into Lolita. Maybe the picture was trying to depict a 'morning after'--the morning after a Hannah Montana concert or a long day of filming the TV show or doing interviews, when all of the fake hair and makeup and crazy 'rock star' clothes are stripped away and Miley is just...Miley, a 15 year old girl. Maybe that's what the picture was trying to convey. As a society, do we always need to jump the most 'dirty' and 'slutty' and 'shocking' and 'scandalous' explanation, especially where women are concerned? I know, silly question.

So is the lesson now that not only is the image of Hannah Montana a marketable thing (which has already been slapped onto every product imaginable), but also that Miley herself is a product, not a person? On the Vanity Fair site, she is asked after the shoot if she's worried about the photo and her answer is: “No, I mean I had a big blanket on. And I thought, this looks pretty, and really natural. I think it’s really artsy.” Assuming this was really her honest reaction to the image, what's happened now is that we've told a teenage girl who posed for a picture and thought that it was art and thought that she looked beautiful that she's not beautiful, that she should be ashamed. That by exposing her bare back and shoulders--less than what people would see if she went to the beach in a bikini, really--she has let her fans down and set a bad example and she should apologize. Which she did.

Cyrus, who is on course to be worth a billion dollars by the time she turns 18, said: "I took part in a photoshoot that was supposed to be 'artistic'. Now, seeing the photographs, I feel so embarrassed.

"I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologise to my fans who I care so deeply about."

The Disney Channel criticised Vanity Fair, claiming it had "deliberately manipulated a 15-year-old". But the magazine defended the pictures. "Miley's parents and/or minders were on the set all day," it said.

"Everyone thought it was a beautiful and natural portrait of Miley."
I'm not saying that the picture is above criticism, although I think the level of criticism in this case is excessive. In fact, all of the over-the-top fussing about the scandal of it all, and the nature of the criticism from some conservative groups about Miley as a bad role model all comes together to obscure the real issues about young girls and sexuality and the conflicting messages that they get from the media and from society. It also obscures the fact that if too much sexiness is unhealthy for young girls, so is too much shame. So is the lesson that you don't own your body, that you don't have control, that society has the right to tell you what to do with it and how to feel about it. Us older chicks all know where those lessons can lead.

Related Posts:

April 27, 2008

TeamSugar Rejects The ESC

In our continuing quest for world domination, the ESC is always looking for new blogs to read, new material to write about, and new networking opportunities. Recently, this led us to register at TeamSugar. We didn't really know too much about it, but that's never stopped us before. (Speaking of which, if anyone wants to explain Twitter to us, we'd really appreciate it.) We registered as EvilSlutopia and set up a profile, and later that day we received this message.

Hi there,

We are thrilled to have you as a member of the Sugar Network. There is one small rule, we must inform you of, we do not allow links to personal blog in comments, blogs, signatures or chatters. I have removed your blog with the following link: www.evilslutopia.com. You can, however, have a link on your TeamSugar homepage.

Also, we try to make sure this is fun, friendly and happy community for all of our members and would like you to change your user name. Please send me three new user names and once it has been changed, you will receive a confirmation email.

Please let me know, if you have any questions.

thanks
team

Believe it or not, this had actually never happened to us before so we were a little surprised. But it's their sandbox, so their rules, right? We decided it wasn't worth it to change the name, but we had to write back to this super perky message.
So is our name unfun, unfriendly, or unhappy? Or perhaps all three?

We've never had a problem registering anywhere else that we wanted to be with our name, so sounds like this isn't really the right place for us. We'll probably just delete the account and go elsewhere. Thanks anyway.
We figured that was the end of that, but before we had a chance to delete the account (okay, we were lazy and didn't bother to do it right away) we got a reply.
Hi EvilSlutopia,

We hope to keep you as a member, so just let me know if you are open to tweaking your user name, just because we don't allow any user names that might be offensive. Hope you understand and can be a part of our fun site.

Thanks,
Team

Okay, so now we've officially graduated from unfun, unfriendly, or unhappy to offensive. This made us wonder--the Sugar Network has blogs about celebrities, beauty, fashion, and relationships. Was it really possible that no variation on the word slut (or other similar "offensive" terms) had ever appeared anywhere on the site? Unless of course they were really more bothered by the 'evil' or the 'opia'.

This inspired us to do a little digging to see if the whole Sugar Network (which includes both official Sugar blogs and also groups and blogs created by members of the teamsugar community) was really free of sluttitude, and we must say we were just so totally shocked to find that our new friend 'team' was totally full of shit. Here's our final message back, which includes our findings.

I think we're going to pass for now. Maybe one day we'll think it's worth it to come back with a different name, but for now we'll stick to the places that let us be who we are.

You know, it's interesting about our name potentially being "offensive". I did a little searching and found these pages from PopSugar.

Paris Sluts it Up Again
Brooke Burke Sluts it Up
Jessica: A Mom or A Slut?
Paris and Nicky's Skanky Halloween
Scarlett is Not Slutty
Is Sienna Really Slutty?
Is Katharine Sexy or Slutty?

And these:
Guess Who?
"Her ass may say sexy... but it should be more like slutty, skanky, dirty or drunk girl...damn I said too much. Guess Who!"

Sex Pot Charlotte Church
"I cannot believe his girl slammed Tara Reid? I think it's more like Ms. Church is taking lessons from Tara. Actually, Tara is no where as slutty as this girl. Tara is just a drunk with fake boobs, but Charlotte is a rich young girl prancing around in a bikini letting her man paw at her non-stop. Which is worse?" (The photos accompanying that post show Charlotte Church hooking up...with her own boyfriend. Wow, what a slut.)

So you might want to let the PopSugar writers know about the word slut being potentially offensive, since they're obviously not aware. Unless maybe it's only 'offensive' when women try to claim the word, own it and redefine it for themselves, and not offensive when it's being used to tear down celebrities.

Also, just as an aside, BuzzSugar mentions a blog called The Music Slut all the time. Doesn't seem like anybody is offended by that.

You also might want to take a look at a group I found called I hate Hoochies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. The word slut appears over and over (along with other terms like “skank” and “dumb ho”). The group seems to be dedicated to insulting female celebrities who are too slutty in the opinions of the group members. I guess that doesn’t qualify as offensive to anybody.

And here's a couple of polls that I found:

WHAT KIND OF "SLUT" ARE YOU? and Why are people sluts?

When I was looking around I also noticed several blogs (here, here, and here) from people who were upset about the negativity on the site, both in terms of the nasty comments made about celebrities and also of members insulting and abusing and harassing each other.

I think a lot of this stuff could be considered bigger problems and a lot more offensive than EvilSlutopia as a username, but that's just me. It might also help to have a little consistency, cause it seems a little weird that calling myself a slut is offensive, but calling any female celebrity I want a slut, skank, ho-bag, or whatever is totally fine. But it's cool. It's your playground. Thanks anyway!

We're guessing they won't be inviting us to write a blog called SlutSugar any time soon. Really, we weren't so bothered by the fact that they asked us to change our name at first. And if the site had been so incredibly awesome that we felt we'd be missing out if we weren't a part of it, we might have considered it, but it's not so we didn't. After looking around the site, we were bothered by the hypocrisy of the request, since the site obviously doesn't practice what our buddy team was preaching. We've learned a valuable lesson though, so if we ever go back we'll be sure to register with a fun, friendly, happy, inoffensive name. We're torn between IHateHoochies and ParisSlutsItUp.

Related Posts:

April 26, 2008

Chelsea Handler Joins the Evil Slut Clique?

So we went to Chelsea Handler's book signing the other day for her newest book Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea.


Just as we'd hoped, Chelsea adored us the second she met us and wanted to be our new best friend. We've already been hanging out together non-stop!








Lilith, Chelsea & Jezebel: The New Evil Slut Clique!






Bar-hopping in NYC





Just chilling with Chelsea and Melissa Howard






Lilith on the set of Chelsea Lately
(Jezebel was doing something really funny off-stage)









Goofing off with Chelsea & Shondrella









George Takei throws the best costume parties!
(That's Mary Mag dressed up as David Alan Grier - she won 1st prize).





Yeah okay, we're full of shit. Of course, we are convinced that if we were ever alone with Chelsea (and not with the 150 or so fans that were actually there) Chelsea would have totally become our new best friend! You know, if she had any idea how completely awesome we are, because we are really really awesome. We just are.

Delusions aside, we had a great time at the Chelsea Handler book signing. She read from her new book, did a quick Q&A session, and then signed books. The Q&A was hilarious - both due to her amazing on-the-spot sense of humor and due to the ridiculous questions some people asked her!

Someone actually asked her what it was like having Bobby Brown on her E! talk show Chelsea Lately, to which she replied that Bobby Brown had never been on her show. Then they said, "oh not Bobby Brown, MeatLoaf". In what universe can someone mistake Bobby Brown for MeatLoaf? I don't know what they were smoking to make that mistake, but we'd have to guess it was some of Whitney Houston's crack.





They're like twins! Seriously.




In addition to signing her new book and her first book My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands, we also had her sign Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret for two reasons: One, because the title obviously inspired Chelsea's title - possibly due to her being compared to a naughty Judy Blume for adults - and Two, the book signing took place just outside the children's section which we found to be hilariously inappropriate. (Of course, everyone commented on this, so I guess we're not that original).




We had some laughs waiting on line with these adorable Jersey girls. They said something about loving Chelsea because she's a Jersey girl just like them!


"Are you from Jersey too?"


"No, we're just sluts."

We've always loved Chelsea - even way back in the old days of Girls Behaving Badly - but we never realized what an evil slut she really was until we read My Horizontal Life. Her new book only confirms that she's a drunk as well!! We thought about giving a top 10 list of why we love Chelsea Handler, but we could never contain it all in a simple 10 items. So instead, here is a top 12 list quotes from Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (one for each chapter) that show why the Evil Slut Clique loves her...



I I had always dreamed of becoming romantically involved with an older man and thought Jason not only had the makings of a wonderful lover, but also of a dedicated father to the two black twins I had planned on adopting from Ethiopia.


II I was too young to work legally so I only had two realistic options: I could either start my own underground babysitting ring or become a prostitute.


III Next up was a strip search, or what I now refer to as anal rape.


IV I don't want to permanently tie my tubes, but I want to prevent any further accidents. I'm interested in something more temporary - like a slipknot. I know having a baby is a huge responsibility. It's at least a five-year commitment, and I would be silly to think I was ready for it.


V I understand that meeting someone's family usually means you're taking the relationship to the next level, but not with my family. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.


VI If no one could see me, I was going to take full advantage of it and break all the table manners I had grown bored with. All I was missing were a toothpick and a walkie-talkie.


VII I have no problem with the dry hump. I think it can be very magical, especially if you've got one of David Hasselhoff's records playing in the background.


VIII Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates" or even worse, people who choose to dress their dogs up in outfits better suited for homosxuals participating in a gay pride parade. Dog costumes are right up there with something else I find particularly offensive: sweater vests.


IX "I know you so well this is the perfect Chelsea gift." With all the hype she gave it, you would have thought she had bought me a vibrator that could also make tacos.


X While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six- to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.


XI Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them do adult things like drive cards, Jet-Ski, and lip-synch.


XII "Uptight" really isn't a word that I think anyone would use to describe a girl who wrote a book documenting all of her one-night stands, but maybe my self-awareness needed a little sharpening.



Before we go, here are the real pics... (Much less exciting than the fake ones).




Chelsea signing Jezebel's books





Lilith shows off her copies









Now you can all forge checks in Chelsea's name









the awesome Jersey-girls on line behind us



For more info on Chelsea Handler:
To purchase Chelsea's hilarious books:




Related Posts:
- The Evil Slutopia Reading List
- Happy Birthday Chelsea
- Dave Attell Makes Me Talk About Cock

April 21, 2008

The Boring Rock of Love Season 2 Reunion

Last time around we listed our Top "WTF Moments" of the Rock of Love reunion. This season, the reunion (you know, like the show itself) was incredibly lame.

So here, briefly (very briefly) are our top "Non-WTF Moments"... booooring.


Angelique gives Bret a lap dance... but fails to get naked. BORING.

Jessica didn't get any stage time whatsoever. BORING.

Daisy and Heather get in a fight, but no one actually gets hurt. BORING.

Peyton performs and it doesn't suck. In fact, it's actually good. Which is kinda cool... but nothing to make fun of so it's still... BORING.

Kristy Jo and Aubry's "hot girl-on-girl action" was not entertaining... or hot. BORING.

"Jackye" actually spells her name the normal way ("Jackie") and that whole crazy spelling was just a typo on the show. BORING.

Bret and Ambre are still "dating" (or at least pretending to be dating). BORING.

Heather's hair was not only straight, but partially covered by a Bret-style headband. BORING

Destiney is well... awesome. She's selling condom tins or something like that (no barbecue sauce like Rodeo) and had enough sanity to not get Bret's name tattooed on her (opting for the ROL logo instead) and not tell Bret she loved him after only a few weeks. So yeah, we love Destiney and we wish she won... but are glad that she didn't win because then she'd be, ew, dating Bret Michaels. However, all this love we have for Destiney... is still pretty BORING.


So that's about it. The reunion was a big snooze-fest. Okay wait, maybe there was one "WTF" moment....



(We stole that pic from the VH1.com Celebreality blog).

So we're sure this blog entry has put you to sleep... consider it your Evil Slutopia bedtime story and now drift off dreaming of silicone and hair extensions. Goodnight.

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April 19, 2008

Dumb Things People Say To Pregnant Women

These examples were submitted by the evil slut mother-to-be Roxeigh...

Dumb Bitch Parade: The Maternity Edition



1
.
Dumb Bitch: Well, if it takes you six weeks after it, that means we can go out drinking in November. We're still on for new years right? You can just dump it with a babysitter.

Roxeigh: You know I plan on breastfeeding right?

Dumb Bitch: That's two separate things. You can drink an breastfeed at the same time
Yes, she calls my baby 'it' which drives me up the wall...


2.

After dropping the lime that had been soaking in her tequila shot into my water...

Roxeigh: What are you doing?

Dumb Bitch: Giving you the lime, you know I hate limes.

Roxeigh: A lime that was previously soaked in alcohol.

Dumb Bitch: Oh a little bit won't kill you or deform your baby.

3.

Dumb Bitch: Do you want me to hold your hand for your doctor's appointment? Like, when you have your ultrasound? I heard it's terrifying.

4.

Dumb Bitch: If I win that trip you can't go with me because pregnant women can't fly.

Roxeigh: Um, last time I checked you could do lots of things when pregnant.

Dumb Bitch: You can't have sex when you are pregnant.


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April 17, 2008

Artemisia Gentileschi

This March we devoted the blog to covering Women's History Month, but one month isn't nearly enough time to cover all of women's history. This year's theme was "Women's Art: Women's Vision" so we thought we'd continue with that theme into April a bit.

Our favorite fruity guest blogger, Ms. Chiquita, has a much stronger Art History background than anyone else at Evil Slutopia, so it's only suiting that she'd be the one we turn to for the topic of Women and Art. She's going to share with us some information about some really super women painters and some famous bad girl 'objets d'art' (and who knows - maybe she'll take the time to write about how awesome potassium really is?)

The first of this several-part series (she hasn't decided when she'll stop the series and we certainly don't mind if she goes on forever!) is about Artemisia Gentileschi...

Artemisia Gentileschi

Imagine that you've created something really awesome and potentially controversial, but instead of getting credit for your own work, everyone thought it was your dad, brother, husband, boyfriend, uncle, grandfather - whomever else it could be attributed to so no one would have to admit that a woman made it?

It wasn’t until the late 1980s - sixty years after women had been given the right to vote - that scholars examined gender roles in art and realized that many works originally believed to be painted by men were actually misattributed on the basis of gender discrimination. Throughout history, women artists were denied the right to claim their own work based on an idea that women were inferior and less capable of producing quality work, which we now know to be a load of crap.

The painting “Susanna and the Elders” was one such work of art, believed for over 400 years to have been painted by Orazio Gentileschi, a famous Roman artist in the 1500s. It still wasn’t until 1979 that scholars realized many of his works were actually done by his daughter. It took another woman to point out that a painting like that could
only have been done by a woman and was, therefore obviously the work of Artemisia Gentileschi, and not her father (as if her signature on her work wasn’t enough).


Artemisia Gentileschi’s signature


A talented artist who showed more promise than her brothers, Artemisia was introduced to her father’s workshop and encouraged to pursue art. Orazio was heavily influenced by Caravaggio, and in turn, so was his daughter. When she applied to art academies, she was roundly rejected (likely on the basis that she was female), and instead began to study under the noted artist, Agostino Tassi. During her tenure working for him, Tassi raped Artemisia, and although he was brought to trial by her father, the ordeal was traumatic. During the trial, she was subjected to a gynecological exam and tortured with thumbscrews to extract the true story, as
Both procedures were used to corroborate the truth of her allegation, the torture device used due to the belief that if a person can tell the same story under torture as without it, the story must be true. (Artemisia Gentileschi)
The lasting effects of the rape and ensuing trial can be seen in her work, especially “Susanna and the Elders,” in which a young woman sits cringing on steps as a lecherous old man crouches over her, and another man whispers into the older man’s ear, signifying the events soon to occur. Originally believed to be done by Orazio because of the exposed breast (because only a man would paint an exposed boob!), a woman scholar pointed out that Susanna’s posture in the painting was evidence of her fear, shame, and discomfort with the overtures and conspiracy happening above her; it could only have been painted by a woman who understood the psychological trauma of such impending horror. When you look at how Susanna’s trying to shove off the creepy guy and see how the young dude is whispering into his ear, you sort of wonder how a man would have intuited the way a woman would feel. Isn’t gender bias awesome?

"Susanna and the Elders", by Artemisia Gentileschi

It’s not the first time a painting was misinterpreted; “The Proposal,” a painting by Judith Leyster - a Dutch artist from the 1600s - was supposedly marketed to a male audience because
…it was a "powerful image of temptation and resistance" and that the young woman's virtuousness "would appeal to men and attract many suitors," implying that Leyster's interest was more on the male market and less on reflecting a woman’s discomfort with unwanted male attention.” (Women’s Art History)

"The Proposal", by Judith Leyster

Artemisia’s painting “Judith Slaying Holofernes” was also attributed to her father based on its Caravaggio roots.


"Judith Slaying Holofernes", by Caravaggio

(Check out her dainty posture: “Did I get it? Is it off yet? Will you tell me when it’s over?”)



"Judith Slaying Holofernes", by Artemisia Gentileschi


(There’s really no way around it; Judith’s really sawing off the head.)

The determination Artemisia shows in Judith’s eyes as she and her maidservant visibly hack at the head of the Assyrian general, Holofernes (against whom the Jewish army was preparing battle) was a far cry from Caravaggio’s depiction of a wispy woman somehow, miraculously, managing to hew off the head of a mighty warrior with her eyes averted. Usually, Judith was shown as a sly woman who used her feminine wiles to get what she wanted; however, Artemisia had no such petty scruples. Judith and her maidservant were muscular and without averting their gazes, they stared into the eyes of the man they killed as they severed his head.
There is nothing in the history of Western painting to prepare us for Artemisia Gentileschi’s expression of female physical power, brilliantly captured in the use of a pinwheel composition in which the interlocking, diagonally thrusting arms of the characters converge at Holofernes’s head. Her interpretation of the story’s characters are practical and honest, intended to be convincingly real. (Women’s Art History)
Artemisia wanted the world to know that women were capable of being as strong and determined as men. Possibly, the picture also indicates her fury at having been continuously subjected to lesser status as a woman. Indeed, she often painted her characters, usually from Biblical stories, as herself, and sought out women in literature who she felt portrayed strength - such as Susanna, Judith, Esther, and Bathsheba - in order to bring them to the forefront of attention.

Today, Artemisia has been receiving the recognition and admiration that she never experienced in her own lifetime. When her work was rightfully attributed to her, new themes became apparent as scholars began to understand the motives behind the paintings (good thing, because now I really understand all that hacking and sawing).


Interested in learning more about Artemisia? Check these out:
  1. Artemisia Gentileschi (Wikipedia)
  2. The Life and Art of Artemisia Gentileschi
  3. Women’s Art History - Artemisia
  4. Artemisia Gentileschi: The Image of the Female Hero in Italian Baroque Art
  5. Artemisia: A Novel
  6. Artemisia Gentileschi & the Authority of Art: Critical Reading & Catalogue Raisonne
  7. Artemisia Gentileschi around 1622: The Shaping & Reshaping of an Artistic Identity



Don't think we're going to let Chiquita stop there... Check back in for more, including the fall of Madame X, some great stuff about Frida Kahlo, and of course, a look at two of the most famous evil sluts of religion and art... who else, but Jezebel and Lilith!

Stay tuned.

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April 16, 2008

Random Reality Rant

I just saw a commercial for the new Vh1 reality show Celebracadabra, and I just need to talk through my feelings a little bit.
Get ready for VH1's new series Celebracadabra; a celeb-reality challenge unlike any other. 7 stars team up with 7 professional magicians in a race to become the ultimate celebrity magician. Watch as Celebrity Fit Club host Ant, Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt, comedian Hal Sparks, singer Carnie Wilson, 80s icon C. Thomas Howell, Kid N' Play's Chris "Kid" Reid, and actress Lisa Ann Walter duke it out while learning tricks that can take the masters years to master.

Street Magic, Children's Magic, Comedy Magic, Cabaret Magic, Strolling Magic, Phobia Magic -- our celebs do it (or at least attempt to do it) all. Their work will be judged by a panel of 3 superstar magicians. Each week, one of the celebrities will be eliminated, until the final two battle it out in Las Vegas for our Grand Illusion finale.

Who will be the Ultimate Celebrity Sorcerer and take home a grand prize of $100,000? Find out this season on VH1's Celebracadabra.
So $100,000 is the going rate for dignity these days? Good to know. Are people really even that jazzed to watch magicians, let alone washed up D-listers trying and failing at being magicians? And with cast members like C. Thomas Howell and a Pussycat Doll, aren't they really pushing the concept of "celeb"reality to its limits? And Carnie Wilson on another reality show, really? I mean, really? Shouldn't she be spending her time seeing if the reunited New Kids On The Block will let Wilson Phillips open up for them on tour? And Hal Sparks, I know it's been awhile since I Love the 90s and there's probably no Queer as Folk reunion in the works any time soon, but is this really necessary? Couldn't you at least wait for the next Surreal Life? What's next, Celebrity Crochet Club?

I'm just bitter, is all. On the bright side, at least there won't be any creepy incesty dance numbers like on Your Mama Don't Dance. And nobody will be attempting to sing country music like on Secret Talents of the Stars or Gone Country...which, wasn't Carnie Wilson on that show too? I think I need to go lie down.

Wait, I just read on feministing that the WE channel is airing a new show called Bulging Brides ("the perfect day is still pounds away!"),
a quality bit of programming "in which women buy wedding dresses two sizes too small, and rely on a drill-sergeant-like trainer to get them to lose the weight by their wedding day". Wow, that's just great, I feel so much better now.

Oh yeah, the second season of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila is also premiering soon. I fully believe that this time she'll really make a meaningful connection with someone and go on to have a very happy, mature and successful relationship until it's time to start casting for A Shot at Love Season 3. And I heard a rumor that Domenico, the Italian guy that Tila eliminated in season one, got his own dating show called That's Amore that involved challenges like diving into giant pools of spaghetti to collect meatballs, and seeing which girl (with the help of her parents!) could suck the most cream out of a cannoli, but I don't believe such stories could possibly be true.

Also, the fact that there are two former cast members from
Saved By The Bell now hosting dance-themed reality shows, but only one Beverly Hills 90210 cast member doing the same must create some sort of imbalance in the universe. We need to fix this right away. Luke Perry could host a celebrity ballet competition, or Shannen Doherty could do a show where people go around and try to start dance off contests in the street. Think about it, Vh1. You need to make up for the fact that you've not only allowed Danny Bonaduce to star in his own reality show, but are now letting him host one.

All of this almost makes us wish for the return of Mystery and his fuzzy, feathery, bemeshed wardrobe and his goofily nicknamed sidekicks and his stupid made up words and phrases and his fakey manhood medallions. Almost.

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April 14, 2008

Rock of Love Drinking Game (Season 2)

The Rock of Love 2 finale was last night. And oh my god you guys, he like, totally chose Ambre! It was so exciting! We think it's real love this time!! Woooo!

Are we convincing you that we care yet!?


For those of us who want to hang on until the bitter end, the reunion show is this weekend. and you know what that means... one last chance for something interesting to happen. It also, of course, means it's marathon time. (And even if they don't air a marathon before the reunion, you know we'll be watching this show in reruns for the next few months.)

Last year's Rock of Love Drinking Game was insanely popular, so we thought we'd give you alcohol poisoning one more time! Since Season 2 has been so lame compared to Season 1, we recommend you drink at least 8 drinks before show show starts. That will make the whole thing much more enjoyable.


Take a drink every time:

-You hope for Heather to show up. (Note: If you get to the point where you start wishing Lacey would show up, check yourself into Promises).

-You see Ambre and wonder "how the hell did Bret ever buy that she was only 31?"

-Bret's "hair" startles you.

-Kristi Jo cries.

-Kristi Jo talks about an ex-husband or a restraining order.

-Someone talks about Kristi Jo still being legally married.

-Someone talks about Daisy still living with her ex-boyfriend.

-Daisy starts in with the mumbles and crazy arms.

-Bret "has doubts".

-Bret calls Inna his Ukranian love tank or love bus.

-Angelique ("Frenchy") gets naked.

-You see Aubry and think it's Alexis Arquette.

-Megan looks like she is smelling something foul.

-Someone says Jessica is too "young" or "innocent". (Drink twice if they use both words together; drink three times if they also mention not being able to handle Bret's "lifestyle").

-Someone calls Destiney a groupie.

-You wonder what was wrong with Destiney and Ambre's parents when they were spelling their names.

-Someone gets a drink thrown at them. (If it's Daisy, drink twice and then throw a drink at someone in the room).

-Someone goes on about how they're "here for Bret".

-Someone refers to Bret by his full name "Bret Michaels".

-Peyton or Catherine lose a challenge.

-Destiney yells at someone.

-Someone claims to have really deep feelings - even love - for a man they barely know.

-You compare one of the girls to someone from last season, like 'Peyton is totally the new Rodeo' or 'Inna is just a poor man's Magdalena'.

-You wish that Bret would just pull a Kelly Taylor "I choose me" ending and start fresh with a new group of women.

-You start thinking about other 'rock stars' that might make a good replacement for Bret next season.

-You wonder if maybe that girl who passed out drunk and missed the first elimination ceremony was actually strangely the smartest one in the bunch.

-You think about how sucky this season was compared to last season.

Just kidding about that last one. We don't want any of our readers getting alcohol poisoning, we just want to threaten you with a good (drunk) time. Enjoy the reunion!

April 8, 2008

Awareness V

The Fifth Installment of our Awareness comics on I Read While He Plays Video Games. (Are you sick of this topic yet? We're not!)



April 7, 2008

April 6, 2008

The "Awareness" Link Roundup

We figured that since we spent the whole week over at I Read While He Plays Video Games joking around about awareness ribbons, we should demonstrate that the ESC actually is aware of what's been happening this week.


~Some very aware librarians noticed something strange about POPLINE, the world's largest database on reproductive health, which is maintained by Johns Hopkins University and receives funds from the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID). They realized that abortion was no longer accepted as a search term. Entering the word 'abortion' into "the world's largest database on reproductive health, containing citations with abstracts to scientific articles, reports, books, and unpublished reports in the field of population, family planning, and related health issues" suddenly returned zero results.

The librarian who noted the problem inquired about it, and was informed that it wasn't a simple technical glitch; the response she received was, "We recently made all abortion terms stop words. As a federally funded project, we decided this was best for now."

If you're not familiar with "stop words," they are typically words like "a," "an," and "the" that are omitted automatically from the search, because they is assumed to have no added value or meaning. Suffice it to say, it's quite unusual for a word with "real" meaning to be a stop word, especially one so relevant to the resource being searched.

The librarian was then advised to do a search for unwanted pregnancy as a substitute, which ignores the fact that these words are not synonyms, as a pregnancy can be unwanted but carried to term or desperately wanted but aborted for various health reasons.

This story quickly made the rounds among angry librarians, medical professionals, and feminists, and calls and emails flooded into Johns Hopkins. They listened, and the Dean of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health released a statement:

I was informed this morning that the word "abortion" was blocked as a search term in the POPLINE family planning database administered by the Bloomberg School’s Center for Communication Programs. POPLINE provides evidence-based information on reproductive health and family planning and is the world’s largest database on these issues.

USAID, which funds POPLINE, found two items in the database related to abortion that did not fit POPLINE criteria. The agency then made an inquiry to POPLINE administrators. Following this inquiry, the POPLINE administrators at the Center for Communication Programs made the decision to restrict abortion as a search term.

I could not disagree more strongly with this decision, and I have directed that the POPLINE administrators restore "abortion" as a search term immediately. I will also launch an inquiry to determine why this change occurred.

The Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health is dedicated to the advancement and dissemination of knowledge and not its restriction.

It's interesting that some people affiliated with the federal government think that it's "best" that people don't have access to medically accurate information about a legal medical procedure.


~On the anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, John McCain admitted that he voted against a federal holiday to honor Dr. King, and said that he was wrong to do so. Rep. John Conyers, who authored the bill when he and McCain were in the House together, was not so quick to accept his well-timed apology.


~Rush Limbaugh had this to say about feminists and Hillary Clinton's campaign:
And if they -- you know, if Hillary doesn't get it --you have to understand the mindset of a lot of these feminists and women. They think they're owed this -- just like Obama supporters think they're owed this. These women have paid their dues. They've been married two or three times; they've had two or three abortions; they've done everything that feminism asked them to do. They have cut men out of their lives; they have devoted themselves to causes and careers. And this -- the candidacy of Hillary Clinton -- is the culmination of all of these women's efforts. And if it gets stolen from them, in their minds -- not actually stolen, but if the country or if the Democrat [sic] Party rejects this wonderfully great, lying woman in exchange for a rookie, radical black guy who can't tell the time of day, they are going to be so miffed. They are going to be so upset.
This is very upsetting, because clearly somebody is leaking info to Rush about the secret feminist agenda of cutting men out of our lives and then continuing to get ourselves pregnant, using witchcraft and other magical powers, so that we can keep having abortions. We'll have to discuss new security measures at the next top secret women's conference.


~A University of Florida survey has shown that some teenagers believe in some crazy myths about sex--drinking bleach can prevent HIV, and marijuana and Mountain Dew can prevent pregnancy, among others. Florida has the sixth highest teen pregnancy rate in the nation.
The Florida Senate Committee on Education approved the Healthy Teens Act in an attempt to educate students about their sexual health.

According to the University of Florida, most Florida schools teach from abstinence-only curricula, if they teach any sex education programs at all. The proposed legislation would require public schools to provide students with medically accurate information about pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), reports the Florida Association of Planned Parenthood Affiliates.
Hopefully the bill will pass. If it wasn't so sad and misguided, it would be funny to watch the abstinence-only crowd continue to defend their "education" programs in the face of a growing mountain of evidence that abstinence-only just does not work at all.

~Speaking of the dismal failure of abstinence-only "education", 76 members of the House are trying to do something about it.
Seventy-six House lawmakers, including 75 Democrats and Republican Rep. Chris Shays (Conn.), recently signed a letter to Rep. David Obey (D-Wis.), chair of the House Appropriations Committee, urging him to shift funding for HHS' Community-Based Abstinence Education Program to "more effective programs," such as comprehensive sex education, CQ HealthBeat reports. CBAE, which is funded at $113 million for the current fiscal year, gives grants to groups that promote abstinence until marriage but are prohibited from providing information about the benefits of contraception.

The letter did not suggest specific alternative programs that could be funded, CQ HealthBeat reports. Emily Kryder -- press secretary for Rep. Lois Capps (D-Calif.), who signed the letter -- said that Capps would prefer to fund the type of comprehensive sex education programs authorized by HR 1653 and HR 819, which contain a variety of measures intended to increase access to contraception and comprehensive sex education. Reps. Barbara Lee (D-Calif.) and Louise Slaughter (D-N.Y.) -- sponsors of HR 1653 and HR 819, respectively -- also signed the letter.

Capps in an e-mail said, "Abstinence-only education, such as that funded through CBAE, doesn't work and is a waste of our limited financial resources." She added, "We need to give our young people access to accurate information that will enable them to make healthy decisions." Shays said, "The extraordinary number of teen pregnancies and growing rate of sexually transmitted disease transmission among teens underscores the necessity of comprehensive sexual education." He added that children "need a responsible education that includes both abstinence and contraception approaches to pregnancy prevention and sexual health."
With more states rejecting federal abstinence-only funding every day, this is one issue where it seems like real progress is (slowly) being made.

~"Women serving in the U.S. military are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire in Iraq."




Note: This doesn't mean that we're done joking about Awareness on the comic blog. There is still more to come, so stay tuned.

April 3, 2008

April 1, 2008

The Lawsuit

Check out I Read While He Plays Video Games for an update on what's happening with ourlawsuit...





Click here for more

The ESC's Legal Troubles

Yeah, okay "legal troubles" is such a heavy way to put it... Don't worry, nothing major is happening (yet) but we figured it was time to say something.

You may have noticed that we haven't posted a new comic on I Read While He Plays Video Games in a while. Well, there's a reason. We weren't going to say anything until we knew what was going to happen, but people have been asking for a new entry so we think we have to say something now. We have received word about a potential legal issue regarding the comics. Yeah, I know that sounds really vague, but we aren't really at liberty to give too many details at this point and feel it's in our best interest not to reveal too much about the lawsuit just yet.

But that is why the comic blog is going on hiatus, indefinitely.

Oddly enough, this was not the only legal issue we had to deal with recently. (Who knows, maybe it's karma?)

The other one was a copyright infringement issue with a Christian website that we are not going to name publicly. (We've alluded to this a few times this month - on the blog, the forum and on myspace - but didn't want to get into the details until it was settled). They had taken the liberty of reposting, word-for-word, both of our entire Gardasil articles, but did not link back to our blog or give us authorship credit. In fact they blatantly said they weren't going to because they didn't like our "morality or lack of it". We contacted the site director (and also their ISP and webhost) and luckily they apologized and took the material down without our having to resort to legal action. All settled, no problem.

However, the fact that we had two legal issues pop up back-to-back, got us thinking that the more popular the site becomes and the more our readership grows... the more open we are to legal problems. It would be great if the comic issue would resolve itself as easily as the Gardasil one has, but we have to be realistic about the fact that we might very well be going to court. So we think maybe it's time we got ourselves all "lawyered up".

That's where you all come in! Because you love us...

We're looking for anyone who:
  • has legal experience and would be willing to give us free advice or even volunteer your services
  • has some spare cash they'd like to donate to our unofficial "Save the ESC Legal Fund"
  • wants to write letters of support about the ESC and our websites
  • wants to send us sympathy presents to cheer us up (we will happily accept beer, chocolate, porn, and anything from our holiday gift wishlist)
  • wants to buy or loan us some non-revealing outfits we can wear if we do go to court (because you know we totally don't own anything non-slutty)
  • is just a big fan and loves us and wants to tell us that, so we can stay optimistic

For details on how you can help (including our P.O. Box address and a link to our Paypal account) please check out this link for more information and do what you can to help and pass this info along if you want.

We'll keep you posted as things progress (and once we're able to actually give you real details) but have no fear, whatever happens the ESC will never stop blogging entirely. Our blogs just might suck for a while.

Thanks for reading, love you all!