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Some parts of this blog may contain adult-oriented material. (It is NOT porn or erotica, but some of the content is inappropriate for children). If you are under your country's legal age to view such material or find it to be "objectionable", please leave this page now. Reader discretion is advised...but if you couldn't infer from the title that this may be an adult-oriented blog, then you shouldn't be on the Internet at all.

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February 29, 2008

Xerox of Love

We've barely written a word about Rock of Love Season 2. Don't take that to mean that we haven't been watching. Oh we've been watching... hoping for something awesome to happen. But alas, it never does. We noticed that the new ROL girls look just like cheap imitations of last season's ROL girls.


Please... you know Inna (Bret's "Ukranian Love Tank") is just a poor man's Magdalena. And why is she never discussing Peyton about who is more 'mannish' (ala Magdalena and Rodeo). Catherine's hair isn't as awesome as Heather's ever was. And while Frenchie's stripteases might have been... um... more naked than Heather's, they definitely weren't better. When Aubry (who bears a striking resemblance to Alexis Arquette) got all naggy and relationshippy about Bret ignoring her or Kristy Jo cried again, all we could do was wish for one of Sam's neurotic breakdowns or Rodeo's combo cry/laugh/wheeze.

When Megan calls Bret her "boyfriend" we just don't buy it. (You're no Brandi C., Megan! Even if you do sort of look vaguely like a younger, smaller-breasted Erin). When we see Jessica and wonder "Who is that? Will they ever let her speak on camera?" it's not the same as when we would see Mia and wonder "Who is that? Will they ever let her speak on camera?" (Well okay, we guess that one's kinda close).

None of the "musicians" go on and on about being a musician as much as Lacey did. There seem to be a few musicians this year, but we're not even sure who they all are because they don't repeatedly tell us about it! The 'oops I'm not sending anyone home' surprise gimmick from last week would've been shocking... if he hadn't already pulled that with Tiffany of all people.

The petty backstabbing and bickering is just laaaaame compared to last season (e.g., Megan hiding Peyton's notes or the whole non-existant controversy with Kristy Jo "talking shit" after the Stroller Derby - boring!) There isn't even enough "SAY IT TO MY FACE!" or "I'M REALLY HERE FOR LOVE" or "SHE'S NOT RIGHT FOR BRET" or even "CIRCUS TITS".

We haven't been subjected to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" as much, there isn't enough pole dancing, no one's been thrown in the pool, no one has threatened anyone with a good time, and Bret isn't even as turned on as he was last season!

And then there's Daisy, this season's apparent front-runner (so far). Wow. What can we say about Daisy? If all the other girls are low-budget versions of last year's girls... Daisy can only be a female version of Bret himself. (Because you know if Bret was a chick he'd be annoying and have fake boobs).

Honestly, we think that's part of the problem. This season has too much Bret Michaels. Last season we loved watching him act and talk (and dress!) ridiculously. This season: Been There, Done That. So we were thinking about persuading VH1 to consider some other stars and other concepts if they're planning on doing a third season...

~Igloo of Love with Snow (maybe he can finally tell us what that Informer song was supposed to be all about, and Vanilla Ice can always guest star)
~Block of Love with the New Kids On The Block
~Cock of Love with Ron Jeremy
~Frock of Love with Tim Gunn
~Clock of Love with Flavor Flav...oh wait, never mind
~Jock of Love with the Dallas Cowboys
~Spock of Love with Leonard Nimoy
~Glock of Love (the cast of The Sopranos must have some free time these days)
~Wok of Love with Margaret Cho (we just want to see what her version of a dating show would look like because we love her)
~Rocket of Love with Roger Clemens (he's all over TV enough lately anyway, he might as well have his own dating show too)
~Socket of Love with Joe the electrician (because any random guy would be better at this point)
~Flock of Love with Flock of Seagulls
~Mockery of Love...nah, that 's more like a description of all of these stupid dating shows
~Knock Knock of Love with Carrot Top (this is how tired of Bret we are at this point)
~Shock of Love with electric eels (possibly better for the Discovery Channel)
~Shock Jock of Love with Howard Stern
~Love of Love with Courtney Love (or Jennifer Love Hewitt, mostly because J.Lo is married so there's no Jenny from the Block of Love in the near future)
~Rock of Love with professional rock climbers
~Chains of Love with 'magician' and 'escape artist' Criss Angel
~Doc of Love with Dr. Dre and/or Dr. Drew

Come on, VH1. Show us some love.

February 28, 2008

Love Knows No Bounds?

I've begun experimenting with bondage with my guy. Honestly, I think it's gone way beyond "experimenting" at this point, but I guess I'm still hesitant to call it BDSM or S&M or anything at all really. (I've always resisted labels, so why should my sex life be any different?)

I've always been into a little light spanking and nibbling, but I had never tried anything like bondage before and I'm convinced now that it's mostly because no one else ever asked! I don't think I ever would have gotten the idea to be tied up (or tie someone else up) on my own, but when my current guy mentioned that he was kind of into that I was instantly intrigued and turned on by the idea.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I honestly and truly trust him. I guess it's safe to say I've had trust issues almost my whole life and we don't have the bandwidth on this site to get into all the reasons why. But for some reason I felt this instant closeness and trust for him. Obviously, it took some time to build up a real trust (that is, enough trust to let him tie me up)... but it took a lot less time with him to get to a level of trust that took years with some of my exes. Go figure.

He was amazing in walking me through it in baby steps, with no pressure, never pushing for anything until I was ready; always making sure that each new step was one I wanted to take; always making sure that the next thing we tried was something I was comfortable with and wanted for myself (and not just to please him). I'm extremely grateful to him for this new experience that I probably wouldn't have had without him.

And it's actually really pretty hot... in my humble opinion. We still have what you'd call "normal whitebread sex" most of the time and even now, things still haven't gone beyond what some people would still consider pretty tame. But for me, it feels as though he has opened up a door to a whole new world of pleasure and pain.

As someone who would probably call myself a feminist (if I wasn't so bothered by the label), it was a little off-putting when I first realized how much I truly enjoyed submitting to him. Although I admit I like it when we turn the tables too, there is something so wonderful in truly "giving yourself" to someone else and knowing that it's a gift they will cherish and treat with great care. I enjoy pleasing him so much and it's not about reciprocation (although yeah, he does reciprocate).


I was so happy and having some of the best sex of my life with a man that I loved and whom I trusted more than any of my exes and feeling really good about all that... until my mother and I accidentally had a discussion about it. Yeah, that was a mistake. I'm not even quite sure how it came up in conversation (I definitely don't talk to my mom about my sex life if I can help it) but I somehow found myself having to explain to my mother what ballgags were for. She wanted to know how I even knew that and asked, "ew, you're not into that, are you?" Of course, with an intro like that I couldn't do much but lie and say no.

She was making faces and talking about how SICK it is. She went off on this rant about how it's not loving and it's all about power trips and violence and hurting people and it's SICK SICK SICK and anyone who is into that is going to hurt me - physically and emotionally - and it will fuck me up and it's about lust, not love and well... you get the idea. All I could say was, "I'm not 'into that' but I don't agree with your opinion. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are into it and still loving to each other". And then I changed the subject.

Now I know not everyone has the same tastes when it comes to sex. I was just surprised that in this day and age anyone could really still feel that way about something that - to me - was pretty mainstream. Okay maybe it's not that mainstream, but it's definitely a far cry from some of the more extreme fetishes I've found out about. (The Internet is both a blessing and a curse).

BDSM is very popular (just look at how many books and websites are devoted to the subject) and is actually a lot more widespread than some people realize. I think we've pretty much reached a point where it's a lot more acceptable and understood... For the most part people are learning that it's not about abuse or torture; it's not about sexism or coercion; it's not necessarily a sexual deviation. If BDSM or bondage takes the form of a paraphilia - that is, it is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification - then it's a problem. But it's becoming asurprisingly common and politically correct way to "spice up" one's sex life from time to time, even for the most conventional couples.

I don't think of it as being about pain, so much as exploring different areas of the human capacity for sensation. I do admit, that bondage (and other forms of BDSM) can be about power. I get that. However, I think it's really closedminded to say that that's all it's about or that's always what it's about or that that's what it is for every couple. And who is to say that it's necessarily a bad thing for it to be about power? On some level it is about power trips, but it's also about trust. I'm sure there are some people who do it for the power trip and some people who don't. Also, while some people enjoy humiliation as part of their BDSM practices, that doesn't mean that everyone does. And if you do, it doesn't mean you aren't "normal" or "healthy".

BDSM is, for the most part, a sexual fantasy: the fantasy of having power or the fantasy of giving up power. It's about the illusion of dominance and control. In a way, you could say that the submissive - being able to stop the action at any time by use of a "safeword" (a pre-agreed upon word, usually unrelated to sex, that when spoken indicates that one's partner wants to stop) - is actually the one in control. It is the illusion that they have given up power that is the basis of the dom/sub fantasy, not the actual loss of power.

For me, I find the ability to just let go with him and to trust someone at that level... extremely freeing.

February 27, 2008

Happy Birthday Chelsea

Today is Chelsea Clinton's birthday (she's 28). So we thought we'd take the opportunity to...post a bunch of random videos and links about her and Hillary.

At the beginning of the campaign, Chris Matthews asked Senator Chris Dodd if it was hard to debate a woman. Because lady parts are so distracting, or because vaginas have magical debating powers, or what? We're going to go with...because Chris Matthews is a moron. Huffington Post has the video.


We have to point out that Amber Tamblyn and America Ferrera are supporting Hillary, because everyone knows that the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is not to be taken lightly. The two videos below are of Amber and America on the campaign trail with Hillary and Chelsea.





On SNL, Tina Fey argued that it's actually a good thing if Hillary Clinton is a bitch because you know what? Bitches get shit done.



The ladies from The View discuss the phone calls that they all (except for "lost cause" Elizabeth Hasselbeck) got from Chelsea Clinton to discuss the possibility of supporting her mom. Hopefully nobody is turning to The View to get insight on who to vote for, but we applaud Chelsea's effort anyway.

February 26, 2008

The Diablo Cody "Scandal"

I think everyone can agree that the Oscars were pretty boring this year. Well, apparently they were so boring that the entertainment press felt the need to come up with a totally manufactured and stupid post-Oscar "scandal", centered on Diablo Cody, who took home the award for best original screenplay for Juno.

So what's the big juicy scandal? What else? Naked pictures. Here's the aol.com version of the story:

Post-Oscar Nude Scandal for 'Juno' Scribe
If she was still flying high from her best original screenplay Oscar win, Diablo Cody may be coming back to reality very quickly.

Nude photographs of the 'Juno' scribe have surfaced online, though they wouldn't be the first time random eyes have glanced upon Cody nude -- she used to be an exotic dancer. Egotastic! Has the Racy Photos (Warning: Nudity)

Cody, the 29-year-old punk rock underdog who stole moviegoers hearts with her tale of teenage pregnancy and love, has yet to respond to the leak on her MySpace blog that she often updates. 'Juno' was her first movie to date, and her Oscar win is sure to solidify her place as a sought-after talent in Hollywood.

Upon winning her Academy Award, Cody saved her final thanks for her family, "for loving me exactly the way I am."
We have only one very important question to ask about this. Who fucking cares? If these are private photos that were leaked by somebody without her knowledge or consent, then that sucks for her and the people responsible should be ashamed and should be held accountable. But she shouldn't be ashamed and it shouldn't be considered a "scandal". Also, gotta love the condescending tone in that piece with the comments about how "random eyes" have seen her naked before since she used to be a sex worker (as if that fact is somehow related to the story), but isn't it great that her family somehow still manages to love her the way she is? (The bold red nudity warning on the link is great too, as if the "nude scandal" headline on the story was somehow ambiguous.) Whatever.

How did we get to the point where nudity equals scandal? When it comes to someone like Vanessa Hudgens we can at least understand it--teen star of Disney's High School Musical doing something that isn't 100% squeaky clean--but we still don't agree with it. And Diablo Cody is a grown woman, not a teenager, and she's certainly not on Disney's payroll. So again, who really cares? What's the obsession? Being naked or posing for naked pictures isn't a crime, it isn't immoral and it isn't wrong. Get over it.

Instead of talking about this, maybe we should be celebrating the fact that a young talented woman with a fresh perspective and something new and interesting to say won an Oscar for her writing. Maybe we should be talking about the fact that some of those montages of past winners, particularly in categories like Best Director, looked like slide shows from the Whitey Whitebread White Guy Society's annual picnic, and is that ever going to change? Maybe we should be talking about Emma Thompson having to intervene to prevent Miramax Films from forcing her Brideshead Revisited costar Hayley Atwell to lose weight in order to keep her role in the film. Maybe, just maybe, we should be talking about something that actually, you know, matters.

The article we quoted above seemed confused about why Diablo Cody hasn't yet "responded" to this "scandal". If we had to guess, we'd say she's probably busy doing two things--writing her next great screenplay and taking naked pictures with her hot new gold boyfriend.


Photobucket

February 25, 2008

Yes, Men Can Get HPV Too

On today's episode of Evil Slutopia, one of our favorite guest bloggers weighs in on one of our 'favorite' topics.

It goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) that HPV and its treatment is a hot topic around here. As a guy, I'm always a little frustrated when it comes up because there's really nothing I can contribute to the situation. There's no reliable test for HPV on the market for men, and as such, no real treatment. Nothing I can do. Straight from the CDC
:

“Currently, there is no test designed to find HPV in men. But HPV
is very common and most men with HPV will never develop health problems from it.
Finding out if you have HPV is not as important as finding out if you have the
diseases that it can cause.”

I'm a little offended by this. The idea that I might possibly want to know if I have a sexually transmitted disease that I could pass on to a partner that would cause her cancer... never seems to have occurred to them. I'm probably being harsh, and there are technical reasons involved, but I'd really prefer they were up front about it if that's the case. Since it's impossible to verify if you've got the disease as a guy, you could be spreading it to your loved one, or anyone with whom you exchange genital contact. Sadly, that may be the only way to confirm you've got the disease. How would you like to have that conversation after your first time doing the nasty with a cute guy?

M: Hey, that was wonderful. You're amazing, you know that?
F: You're not so bad yourself, tiger (It's my fictional conversation, it can be as corny as I like)
M: Hey, I've been wondering about something. Can I ask you a favor?
F: Sure, what is it?
M: Could you make a gyno appointment in like 4 months? I've been wondering if I've got HPV, and you make a great petri dish. Wait, you didn't get Gardasil, did you?

Of course, most men show no symptoms and develop no health problems because our immune systems fight it off. Then again, so do most women. In the US, 11,150 cases of cervical cancer were estimated diagnosed in 2007. An estimated 1,280 cases of penile cancer and 4,650 cases of anal cancer were diagnosed as well (anal cancer is more likely among gay, bisexual and HIV-positive men due to HPV transmission through anal sex and weakened immune systems, respectively). Death rates are much higher for cervical cancer (3,670 est. deaths in 2007) than they are for penile (290) or anal (690) cancers. There is also recent evidence that HPV may play a role in the 5,600 cases per year of oral cancer in the tonsils, lower tongue, and upper throat.

Certainly, cervical cancer is much more prevalent and deserves more attention than the others. But it very much scares me that NO attention is paid to the fact that men can get cancer from HPV, or that we can pass HPV and cancer risk onto our partners. That's not the only thing that scares me, though. It turns out genital warts and cancer aren't all I have to worry about.

(Warning: the following story contains graphic/video links to a plant-man )

This
is the story of Dede, an Indonesian fisherman whose arms and legs now end in gnarled, root-like extremities. He can no longer work, his wife has left him and his two children, and he has a hard time getting a date (unless he knows someone into dendrophilia). On the upside, he now gets to be featured in a National Geographic show! The cause of his condition? HPV. Well, that and a rare genetic disorder preventing his immune system from fighting the resulting warts. Even so, I haven't had my genome sequenced yet (sounds dirty). How do I know I don't have some rare genetic condition that will turn me into a freakish, half-man half-cumquat or something?

To be honest, I can understand, given the complexity of the disease, that a lot of the concerns I have are not addressed yet. I just wish they'd be up front about it. Just testing whether Gardasil works for guys or not isn't enough, we need some solid research and education. With the spin coming out from the pharmaceutical companies, we really need more information out there so that there's no excuse for not knowing the facts. I should be able to take a little responsibility for my own health, and the health of my sexual partners, by being aware of what I'm carrying in my pants. That's one territory I'm not ready to give up to the feds just yet.

February 22, 2008

Conference Call

I used to hook up with two guys who knew each other. Okay, well that's an understatement. Most of the guys I used to hook up with knew each other, but this story is about just two of them. For the purpose of convenience we'll call them Guy 1 and Guy 2.

Guy 1... I had a real problem lying to him. It's not that I ever really tried lying to him; I just seemed to be really overly honest with him for no reason. It was completely and utterly impossible for me to withhold information from him (not that I really had any reason to anyway). So when Guy 2's name came up in conversation late one night... I accidentally laughed. Even though I was aware that they had a few mutual friends, I didn't realized that they knew each other well. Of course, my laughing prompted him to ask "what's so funny?" and I told him the truth. Luckily he found it amusing as well. (Yes, my trashiness is quite comical at times).

So later that night my phone rang and it was Guy 2. I started laughing hysterically and answered, "I'm busy!"

Guy 2: "Oh, you're with someone else?"
Me: "Yes, and it's someone you know."

This really didn't give him much of a clue, because as I said before I'd hooked up with other guys he knew before. So I put Guy 1 on the phone with him and they had a nice little chat about me... in front of me. When I got back on the phone Guy 2 asked, "so can I come over?"

Me: "Um, no."
Guy 2: "Tell him to go home!"
Me: "Goodnight."

I can only imagine the conversation they had about me the next day. I told them both "when you're talking shit about me later, please be somewhat complimentary... even if that means you have to lie".

They ended up getting a little competitive with each other in vying for my time and attention. If I hung out with Guy 2 one evening, I surely got grief about it from Guy 1 the next. (I fully realize that this was not a jealousy thing. I'm not that conceited. It's just the competitive nature of guys. Although it was still somewhat of an ego boost, even if an artificial one). I had to instate a "first come first serve" policy and would hang out with whichever guy called me for plans the earliest. Sometimes I would have a little contest and text message them both simultaneously and see who responded first.

Eventually I had to stop hanging out with both of them because it just got too creepy. It didn't matter really though, because there were still plenty of other guys to call (and only some were friends with them).

February 18, 2008

George W.

Today is George Washington's birthday (observed).

George Washington was our first president and I guess you can say we wouldn't even have our government if it wasn't for him... but enough is enough isn't it? He has the dollar bill and the quarter... Mount Rushmore and the Washington Monument... a couple of universities and a museum... and hell, he's got a state and the state capital named after him. No other American had their own state. So yeah, I guess he was pretty important, but he wasn't so great in other ways (e.g., he owned slaves).

But why do we only celebrate his and Lincoln's birthday? I know that Lincoln did a lot of awesome things for our country... but there are only two presidents who really get the big whoopdedoo from us on the calendar. What about James Madison or Thomas Jefferson or any of the rest of the old white dudes?



Speaking of old white dudes... I was watching Bill Maher the other day and he made a really good point about the history of American presidents. From his "New Rules" (thank God the writer's strike is finally over):

Stop saying how amazing it is for Democratic voters to have a choice for President between a woman and a black man. It's not amazing. It's two centuries late.

It's 2008, we've had 43 white guys in a row, not to mention only one Catholic president, one bachelor president and of course, one retarded president.

If we really were an advanced society, Hillary and Barak could team up and become the Hillabarack but that'll never happen because in America the only time you see an interracial couple working together to push boundaries... is in pornography.

He's so right. As much as I'd love to see someone other than a white guy to be our president, I'm sick of everyone using race or gender as the basis for their voting decisions. Yeah I'd love to see someone other than an old guy dude in office this time around, but I'm not going vote based on that alone.

And I can't even be happy that we have that choice... because it's true, it's about time. Instead of feeling so happy that there's a black man and a woman running for President, all I can think about is what took you so long? Why haven't we had a female president or a black president yet? Or for that matter, why not a Jewish president or a Latino president or a homosexual president...?

Isn't there a little more that the Democrats should be worrying about? Such as where do they really stand on the important issues? and who can beat the Republican? Clinton and Obama are both going on and on about "change". Well hopefully whoever it is that makes it to the big game can bring us more important change than gender or race.

Want to know where they stand on the issues?

Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama

(a.k.a. "the woman" vs. "the black guy")

February 15, 2008

It's a nice day for a... green wedding.

So it's Wedding Week (or days) over at Evil Slutopia... and as ill as it makes me to have to write about wedding one more time, this one is actually kind of important.

A few months ago we wrote about how to have a green holiday and how to have the most eco-friendly sex life. People always talk about having a "wedding to remember", but how many of them realize the environmental impact a wedding like that has? On the day that you pledge to love and honor the special man or woman in your life, you should show your commitment to loving and honoring the earth as well. What better opportunity than your wedding to share your values and inspire others?

So here are a few tips on making your white wedding a little greener.




Location

  • Have your wedding at a location that will benefit the most from your business, such as a museum, cultural gallery, or non-profit organization.

  • Insist on a hall or other location that recycles, uses efficient energy, and is LEED certified.

  • Consider the distance your guests will have to travel when selecting a location and try to select a place that is as close to as many guests as possible. (Avoid destination weddings for this reason).

  • Encourage your guests to carpool or use energy-efficient, low-emissions and eco-friendly modes of transportation whenever possible.

  • Calcuate the mileage guests will travel and offset their emissions by donating to organizations that preserve the rainforest or plant trees.

  • Instead of limos for the wedding party, opt for transportion that will result in lower levels of carbon dioxide emissions such as shuttle buses that run on biodiesel fuel.


Catering


  • Consider hiring a caterer that will use all organic food and beverages (important for both the health and environmental benefits).

  • Whenever possible, have the caterer use local and seasonal foods in order to cut down on the environmental impact caused by the travel required for each ingredient.

  • Depending on your philosophies you might also choose to go vegetarian or vegan for the menu.

  • If you've asked your caterer to prepare fish, be sure that it has received certification from the Marine Stewardship Council.

  • Donate any leftover food to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter, rather than throwing it out.

Invitations and Other Paper Goods


  • Use only recyled paper or tree-free paper for invitations, programs, thank you cards, etc.

  • Have everything printed with vegetable-based inks instead of petroleum-based inks.

  • Whenever possible have guests RSVP via email or phone, to cut down on the amount of inserts to the invitation.

  • Instead of printing place cards for seating arrangements, simply have a sign with the table assignments or use a non-paper alternative.

  • Rather than placing a menu at every setting, have one or two for each table. Or better yet, have the servers read your guests the dinner choices and avoid the need for paper menus all together.


Tableware and Decorations


  • Rent linens and tableware instead of buying new.

  • Avoid one-time-use materials.

  • Have recycling receptacles easily accessible.

  • Consider biodegradeable items such as compostable plates and utensils.
  • For a romantic and energy efficient setting, try candlelight. Soy candles because they are longer-burning, cleaner, and made from a renewable resource.

  • Decorating with flowers? Try to use only flowers that were grown organically, without the use of pesticides or genetic engineering.

  • Avoid cut flowers and opt for something less wasteful, such as potted flowers, plants or bushes that can be planted later on.

  • Recycle your decorations when you're done! Flowers can go from the altar to the reception hall and then be donated to a nursing home or hospital. You can even talk to your florist about sharing floral arrangements with another party.


Attire


  • Don't assume that eco-friendly clothing can't be stylish and sophisticated. You can find many attractive dresses and menswear pieces made from an eco-friendly material such as organic hemp.

  • Don't rule out rentals of tuxedos - and gowns - seeing as they will likely only be worn once.

  • Consider a wearing a family member's wedding gown or other vintage or secondhand dress.

  • Support terminal breast cancer patients by buying your dress from one of the Brides Against Breast Cancer trunk shows.

  • Sell or donate your wedding gown after the wedding. Bridesmaid dresses can be donated to underprivileged teens who can't afford a prom dress.

  • When laundering bridal wear (or preserving, if you wish to save it) avoid coventional dry cleaners who use harsh chemicals and go to one with more eco-friendly practices.


Jewelry

  • Before buying rings or other wedding jewelry, look into whether they were created ethically.

  • Look for "conflict-free" diamonds and metals that were sourced from non-warring countries and those that have documented and standardized environmental practices.

  • Ask for a certificate or origin and research the mining companies on your own.

  • Consider vintage or "recycled" jewelry.

Presents and Photographs


  • Don't register for items that you don't need. (Yeah, it's that simple).

  • If you do register, register for eco-friendly items from a green vendor.

  • Consider setting up a charity registry, so guests can make a donation in your name instead of buying a wedding gift.

  • In lieu of wedding favors, make a donation to a charity in their names.

  • Hire a photographer that uses digital photography and can provide digital proofs (to cut down on the amount of printing necessary).

And the most important thing you can do is spread the word. Let your guests know what you have done to make your wedding more environmentally friendly and why.

February 14, 2008

Why I Hate Valentines Day

I hate Valentine's Day. I'll start it off by admitting that. (Not that you couldn't tell by last year's anti-Valentine's playlists). However, you might be surprised to hear that it's not due to being alone on Valentine's Day, because it just so happens that I'm not single this year. (Shocker, I know). Of course, that is part of why I hate Valentine's Day other years, but not necessarily the main reason (or at least the current main reason).

I've seen a lot of variations on Valentine's greetings from "Singles Awareness Day" to "unimaginative, consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day." No matter how you spin it, it's a lame holiday regardless of who you have to spend it with... and these are some of the reasons why:

It's an artificial stupid made-up holiday.

Unlike some holidays that celebrate semi-legitimate occasions (you know, like alleged miracles or birthdays) the background on St. Valentine is sort of fuzzy.

One legend says that Valentine was a priest in 3rd century Rome. Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men (keeping them single to be better soldiers), Valentine continued to secretly perform marriages for young lovers. When this was discovered, he was ordered to be put to death. Another version tells the story of a jailed Valentine who fell in love with a young woman while in prison. Before his death, he wrote her a love letter, signed "From your Valentine" (as people often sign cards today).

Some people believe that St. Valentine's Day is celebrated on the anniversary of his death or burial, while others claim that the Christian church scheduled it in February to coincide with - and therefore Christianize - the pagan celebration of Lupercalia (a fertility festival).

My opinion? It doesn't matter what the true origins are because it's all a big load of crap anyway. I'm convinced that it was created jointly by the greeting card, flower, and jewelry industries... which brings me to my second reason.


It's a consumerist nightmare


Okay, so maybe it wasn't created by the greeting card, flower, and jewelry industries (oh and candy too, I forgot about the candy) but it was definitely exploited by them. Flowers are considerably more expensive on Valentine's day; everything is priced up because they know you need it. And the more expensive the better, because the greater the cost the greater your love... right?

Most people actually seem to prefer the overpriced - but thoughtless - cliche present than something heartfelt, but inexpensive. Potted plant instead of long stem roses? You're not original, you're cheap. Handmade gift instead of diamonds? You're not creative, you're cheap. Bag of her favorite candy bars instead of heart-shaped box of fancy mystery candy? You're not thoughtful, you're cheap.

If the amount your valentine spends on you is equivalent to the size of their love for you, then basically your love is for sale. Can you be bought with roses or chocolates and one of those generic diamond heart-shaped necklaces?



moo.com


It's just a random day in February.

Even if the origins of the holiday do originally trace back to February 14th, that still doesn't make this one day is more special than the other 364 days of the year. What makes today so special? The same way that I feel about Thanksgiving (why should you be thankful on that day and not every day) is how I feel about Valentine's day: why do you have to show your loved ones how you feel today? If you truly love them, you should make sure they know it every day, not just on the day that Hallmark says you have to.

I don't need a holiday to tell the people I love that I love them.


It puts unnecessary pressure on couples to be "romantic" and "prove their love".

Like I said, it's just one day. So why should you have to do something special on this day? Because if you don't, then you're a terrible friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/etc. And not only do you have to do something together, but it has to be "romantic". And not only does it have to be romantic, but it has to be super duper romantic... it has to be special. And for most people that also means it has to be expensive.

Talk about pressure!

It makes people without loved ones feel pathetic and alone.

And finally, the big reason. By focusing on love and romance, Valentine's Day makes those without loved ones (romantic or platonic) feel like shit. God forbid you're dateless on Valentine's... you feel like the biggest loser alive. People who are generally happy being single every day of the year, all of a sudden feel depressed being single on Valentine's day.

The funniest thing about Valentine's day is the people who bitch and moan that it's a stupid holiday when they're single and the second they find love, where are my damn roses!? Even though I'm not alone this Valentine's day, I still think it's dumb and I don't feel any better this year than the years when I have been single. Being alone doesn't mean that I am unloveable and being in a relationship doesn't suddenly make me a better person or more worthy of happiness than anyone else.

So if you're "celebrating" Valentine's Day this year, keep all of this in mind. I'm not trying to spoil your happy mood or romantic plans... but maybe it's not a bad idea to lower your expectations a little. If you can manage to have a special, loving time today - more power to ya - but if you can't, that doesn't make you a loser... that doesn't make your significant other a jerk.

While We Were Out

It figures that tons of evil slutty news would come around while we're trying to get caught up after dealing with our technical difficulties last week. (Actually I just crashed the site temporarily so that I could spend all of my free time ordering 18-1 shirts and buying magazines with Eli Manning on the cover, but the other Evil Sluts aren't big sports fans so don't tell them, okay?)

Let's start with some dumb politician quotes. Dumb Things Guys Say will never die as along as politicians are around to say stupid shit like this.

Colorado state rep. Larry Liston (R-do we really even need to include the R? you'll know it's an R once you read this) thinks teenage parents are sluts.

"In my parents' day and age, (unmarried teen parents) were sent away, they were shunned, they were called what they are. There was at least a sense of shame.

"There's no sense of shame today. Society condones it. I think it's wrong. They're sluts. And I don't mean just the women. I mean the men too."


While it's very 'progressive' of Liston to include teenage boys in his slut proclamation, he's still a dumbass. He later apologized for his "unfortunate choice of language", but not for the comment itself because after all, he was just making a point about personal responsibility. You know what would help teens to be more responsible, and reduce teen pregnancy rates in the process? Say it with me now: comprehensive sex education. Oh, and teaching teens to value themselves, respecting them enough to actually give them the information they need to make responsible decisions, and not making them feel dirty and stupid and worthless for daring to have sex. And not openly waxing nostalgic about the good old days when teen mothers were sent away and shunned by society would probably help too. Shut the fuck up, Larry Liston.

If you'd like to personally tell Larry to suck it, but probably not in those exact terms because we would never want to offend him with an unfortunate choice of language, his phone number is 303-866-2965 and his email address is Larry.Liston.house@state.co.us.

Speaking of nostalgia, in the Tennessee state Senate last week a debate about some anti-choice legislation produced this gem about rape from Senator Doug Henry. (The link is to feministing, and they have video of these comments, but be warned that it might make you want to reach through the screen and slap him.)

"Rape, ladies and gentlemen, is not today what rape was. Rape, when I was learning these things, was the violation of a chaste woman, against her will, by some party not her spouse. Today it’s simply, ‘Let’s don’t go forward with this act.’"

Ah yes, let's all take a minute to remember the good old days of rape. Too bad women had to screw that up by being all unchaste and unmarried and stuff. Uppity slutty women ruin everything.


Over at MSNBC, reporter David Shuster said that it seems to him like Chelsea Clinton is "being pimped out" by her mother's campaign, because Chelsea is making phone calls to superdelegates and offering to have sex with them if they'll support her mom. Oh wait, no, she's totally not doing that. She is making some phone calls, attending events, and other stuff to campaign for her mother...just like the adult children of almost every candidate in recent memory have done. According to Shuster though, "there's just something a little bit unseemly" about it. (He later 'apologized' twice and was suspended by MSNBC, which probably had something to do with a very angry Clinton campaign threatening to pull out of a scheduled MSNBC debate.)

Apparently Shuster was annoyed by the fact that Chelsea is campaigning for her mom but not granting any interviews or otherwise making herself available to the press. I can't imagine why she wouldn't want to talk to such fine upstanding journalists like David Shuster on such a wonderful, not-at-all sexist network like MSNBC. We're not sure why he feels that Chelsea has some obligation to the media, since she's not the candidate, but certainly being annoyed about it is reason enough to go on TV and suggest that she's being exploited by her own mother. Maybe during Shuster's downtime while he's suspended he can pitch a new show to MTV. Pimp My Campaign could be a force for positive change--boring old campaign pins and posters could really use some bling.


Two 8th graders in St. Louis were suspended for going to school in shirts with condoms and the words "safe sex or no sex" on them. The girls wore the shirts to protest their school's abstinence only sex education program. They were suspended because the shirts were "distracting". I guess it could be considered distracting for school officials to be confronted with the gaping hole in their health curriculum. It's pretty cool that these girls decided to stand up for their right to a complete education, since at its core abstinence only education is really condescending and patronizing and dismissive and insulting to students' intelligence. But maybe they could have avoided the suspension by saying that they were just really big TLC fans.



The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals has struck down Texas's ban on sex toys, also known as an "obscene device" law.

A federal appeals court has struck down a Texas law that makes it a crime to promote or sell sex toys. "Whatever one might think or believe about the use of these devices," said an opinion written by Justice Thomas M. Reavley of the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans, "government interference with their personal and private use violates the Constitution."

Under Texas law it is illegal to sell, advertise, give or lend obscene devices, defined as a device used primarily for sexual stimulation. Anyone in possession of six or more sexual devices is considered to be promoting them. The Texas law dates back to the 1970s and is seldom enforced. Travis County prosecutors say that they haven't charged anyone with a sexual device-related crime in at least the past seven years, and probably much longer. In 2003, a woman in the Fort Worth suburb of Burleson drew nationwide attention when she was arrested for selling erotic toys at a Tupperware-type party. The charges against Joanne Webb were later dropped.

In addition to Texas, whose law has survived previous state court challenges, three other states have a similar sex toys statute: Mississippi, Alabama and Virginia. Laws in Louisiana, Kansas, Colorado and Georgia have been thrown out by courts in recent years.

So it's a good day for sexual freedom of choice in Texas. This should mean that companies like Babeland will now be able to ship to Texas, so start shopping! Maybe this means there's still some hope for Alabama.

February 13, 2008

V-Whatever

So looking for something a little different to do this Valentine's Day? If you're like me, you're going to ignore Valentine's day altogether... but if you want to celebrate it in an evil slutty way, here are some ideas:

If you're in NYC tonight (Valentine's Eve) go over to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre on West 26th Street and check out "Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me" Live, an hour-long comedy show on the subject of failed relationships (and the shit people endure to make them work). The show is based on the book of the same name, an anthology edited by Ben Karlin (The Daily Show) and will feature a blend of read and performed pieces from the book, stand-up comedy, live music, special guests and other material on the theme of relationships gone bad.



Aside from the fact that I have a secret comedy crush on David Wain (The State, Ten, Wet Hot American Summer, etc.) we also have it on good authority that Morningwood will be performing one of their new songs. The show starts at 7:30 PM and is $5.


If you're still feeling rejected tomorrow night, go back to UCB for "The Rejection Show’s Valentine’s Day Heartbreak Haven", an evening of their best breakup, heartbreak and love related performances from shows past ---blending into and evening of love song karaoke, live music, DJ, free drinks and partying.

For those of you on the West Coast, the UCB's Los Angeles theatre has an awesome Valentine's Day line up tomorrow as well: At 8:00 pm - Worst Laid Plans presents "Worst Laid Man" one-night-only Valentine's Day edition. 9:30 pm - "Penthouse's Bob's Guccione's Valentine's Day Spoogetacular". Take a perverted stroll down lover's lane with the founder of Penthouse Magazine, Bo Guccione (Hal Rudnick) while the UCB performers address love, sex, relationships, boners, boobies, and Valentine's Day. 11:00 pm - "Morning Laughter Pill" - A one-time-only improvised show puts a bed on stage and shows you what people are really like during the awkward morning after their night of passion.


If you want to need to stock up on "Valentine's Supplies" why not throw a For Your Pleasure Party. Parties are free to host and as the hostess you receive tons of free goodies.


If you want to buy that special person in your life some jewelry, but don't want the same ugly heart and/or "squiggle" that all the diamond retailers are pushing on you... check out LeviticusJewelry.com for some great gifts like these:



If you're in Minneapolis you can see Harsh Reality, Avenpitch, Chris Dorn, Alicia Leafgreen, Lary Ravenwood and more at an Anti-Valentine's Day Party at Statiu's (University and Lowery) in Minneapolis.




Everyone's favorite Rock of Love hottie, Heather Chadwell will be in Boston this Valentine's week... At Americana Pop Tattoo from 6 to 9 and then Felt Club Boston's Rock of Love Party to finish up the night.







There's also a Valentine's art event and performance happening in Soho Thursday night at the Jonathan Shorr Gallery (109 Crosby Street at Prince) from 6-10 pm.

The Guerrilla Girls are on tour! There will be two events (tonight and tomorrow) at University of Nevada - Las Vegas.


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If you want to send a card to a pop culture junkie, check out Brandon Bird's SVU Valentines (and other awesome stuff).

Still bummed over your last breakup? Shred a picture of your ex at the door at Peppers in Indianapolis this Valentine's Day and you can enjoy drink specials and dancing all night.


Want to give a gift to your favorite female friend? Give her some "sexy comfy" everyday wear from Chickyz.






There's a new play called V-Love in the works in New York. Think of it as an "eVULVAlution" from perennial V-Day favorite The Vagina Monologues. Some of the profits from the production will go to SaySo!, the Sexual Assault Yearly Speakout sponsored by the NYC Alliance Against Sexual Assault. Performances start in March, so check them out on myspace for more info. Because if awesomely creative women keep using theater as a medium to talk about women's lives and experiences, it won't be long before the Tony Awards will have to add a category for Best Vagina-Related Musical or Play. And that can only be a good thing for their ratings.




Code Pink has organized a Valentine's Day Kiss-In to take place at military recruitment centers as part of their counter recruitment campaign. So if you're into 'make love, not war', you might want to give PDA for peace a try too. They have an event scheduled in Washington D.C. tomorrow (where they will also be making the rounds of Congress distributing 'broken hearts'), but they also have info and instructions on their site for how to organize kiss-in events across the country.



Diamanda Galas will perform her annual Valentine's Day Massacre at The Knitting Factory in NYC tomorrow night.
Avant-garde vocalist and virtuoso pianist Diamanda Galás returns to The Knitting Factory to perform her annual and critically acclaimed Valentine’s Day Massacre, before the worldwide release of her much anticipated compilation, Guilty Guilty Guilty (MUTE UK, March 31, 2008). With this spellbinding night of tragic and homicidal love songs, the dark queen of extended techniques turns standards from jazz, blues and rembetika into her own musical genre. The evening features favorite covers and longtime hits, including “Time (Interlude)” sung by Timi Yuro, Tracy Nelson’s “Down So Low”, “Long Black Veil” made popular by Johnny Cash, Ralph Stanley’s reaper song, “O Death”, John Lee Hooker’s “Burning Hell”, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’ “I Put A Spell on You”, Earl Grant’s “Imitation of Life”, Edith Piaf’s “Padam Padam,” and surprise songs.

For her fourth Valentine’s Day Massacre, Galás carves songs of doomed love into haunting works that promise to rip your heart out. Sophisticated vocal weaponry combines with a driving, sometimes jaw-dropping, percussive piano style to conjure up a dazzling array of emotions, ranging from fleeting happiness to the terror brought upon by the death of love. Reaching into the heart of the blues, Galás takes it to new places of loneliness, occasionally breaking into the virtuosic singing of the Amanes – a type of improvised lamentation from Asia Minor.





So, no complaining allowed (except from us) tomorrow. Get out there and have a happy V-Whatever-You-Want-It-To-Be Day.

February 12, 2008

Wedding Daze

I can't stand weddings. That includes planning them, attending them, viewing videos of them, looking at pictures of them, talking about them, and yes, writing about them (oh well). But it's unofficial Wedding Week (make that, Day/s) over here at Evil Slutopia, so I thought I'd at least use it as an excuse to bitch and moan and complain.

Our society really does have "Wedding Fever". Everyone is obsessed with the latest celebrity wedding and weddings are the subject of endless movies (The Wedding Planner, The Wedding Singer, The Wedding Date, American Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, My Best Friend's Wedding, Monsoon Wedding, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Betsy's Wedding, Muriel's Wedding, Father of the Bride, Runaway Bride, In & Out, Wedding Crashers, of course Bachelor Party and most recently 27 Dresses) and TV shows (Bridezillas, A Wedding Story, For Better or For Worse, Whose Wedding is it Anyway?, Wedding Bells, Platinum Weddings, My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding, My Big Redneck Wedding, and Rich Bride, Poor Bride etc.) I feel compelled to tell you all that the reason I know half of these titles is because the WE channel is also having "Wedding Week". Only their wedding week is an actual week long! Crazy!

From what I've seen about weddings the most common wedding theme is Bigger, Better, More! I've seen some perfectly sane women get so caught up in tiny details that they almost lose sight of the reason they're really there - to marry the person you love. Oh no, wait, that's not always the main reason is it? It's probably also about being a princess for a day. "It's my day!" "It's my special day!" "It's the greatest day of my life!" All for what is basically just one big expensive party. It gets to the point where you wonder what's more important, the wedding or the marriage!? Honestly, the first day of your marriage is minor. It's every day after that that should be significant. I understand wanting everything to be perfect, but really nothing is ever perfect and after the night is over, what really matters is who you go home with. (In my case, one of the hot groomsmen).

A while back I was the maid-of-honor in a relative's wedding and wow, let's just say it was not a good experience. I never realized how accurate the term "bridezilla" could really be. When she told me that it was spiritually important to her that I wear my elbow length gloves in the middle of May, I knew she'd lost it. I actually had to sit her down and remind her that the most important thing is that she's marrying the man she loves, not the color of the tablecloths or the height of the bridesmaids' shoes.

It got me thinking about what my dream wedding would be... or that is, what it wouldn't be. Of course, that statement implies that I'd ever want to have a wedding, period. My actual "dream wedding" would be no wedding at all most likely. But since it's ESC Wedding "Week", I'll let you glimpse a little bit of what my wedding would look like if I was forced to have one. I guess you could say I have a "different" point of view on some of the traditional wedding stuff. In all honestly, I don't think my view is that different. I'm sure plenty of people out there agree with me on most of this stuff (especially if you're an Evil Slutopia reader), but it's definitely what you'd call "non-traditional". Obviously, I haven't thought of every detail (we don't have enough bandwidth for me to criticize everything I find odd or annoying about weddings), but there are a lot of wedding traditions that bother me on a much deeper level.



The Wedding Itself


Like I said, if I was ever compelled to marry I'd want the marriage to be more important than the wedding. So that means that I wouldn't want to waste a ton of money on a huge wedding, when I could be saving that money to spend on my life together with my love. (That is, buying a house, sending any potential kids to college, investing in an awesome porn collection - priorities!) For me, the wedding would be a simple event with the sole purpose being celebrating the fact that I've (hopefully) found the love of my life.

Even though I'm not "into" weddings (or even marriage really), I do understand wanting to stand up and openly love and cherish the one you love and celebrate that love with your closest friends and family. What I don't understand is why someone would want to pay an exorbitant amount of money to do it with your third cousins, your parents' friends, your coworker's spouses, and a bunch of other people you barely know who you felt obligated to invite and who felt obligated to attend and buy you a kitchen appliance.

I'd be just as happy surrounded by a few close friends and family members, in a small room or backyard somewhere with pizza and beer instead of steak and champagne.


Diamond Rings and Wedding Bands


This is just another example of what getting married can cost! You already know how the ESC feels about the diamond industry. The idea of spending three months salary (although I'm sure it's often more) on a piece of jewelry is foreign to me. I just can't comprehend it. I still buy the bulk of my "jewelry" at stores like Claires or The Icing. (I secretly believe that I'm still a twelve year old girl). And the fact that a piece of jewelry is somehow meant to be the ultimate gift of love and symbol of committment is also hard for me to understand.

I suppose the symbolism of the wedding bands makes sense (the circle has been said to represent both timelessness and wholeness, therefore representing the undying love and complete unity of the marriage). I also acknowledge the significance to some people of having that visible sign that you're "attached" or "taken". However, the engagement ring especially seems just like "bragging" to me. It's seen as a symbol of the sacrifice your fiance is willing to make for you, but how can you justify putting all that money into something you'll wear on your finger?

It has to be the biggest, the most beautiful, the most expensive diamond. A woman needs to show that ring off, both to show the world that she is worthy of being proposed to and to prove that her man is worthy of marrying (that is, he's willing to spend a ton of money on her by buying her a big diamond that she likely picked out herself). God forbid it's not special enough, not big enough, not expensive enough, or... not a diamond at all. What will people think? That's the part that turns me off a little. Especially since the diamond engagement ring didn't become the standard it is today until an extensive marketing campaign by De Beers in the late 1930s. A diamond may be "forever" but it doesn't have any bearing on the length of time the marriage will last or the quality thereof.

Also, it's so cliche. It's the equivalent of getting roses - a romantic gesture, but really didn't take much thought or imagination. I prefer gifts that show that a person really knows me and listens to me. Some of my favorite presents over the years have been not the expensive ones, but the meaningful ones. A diamond ring to me isn't meaningful. I'm not trying to lessen the meaning that it has for anyone else, but a symbol of someone's love for me? I wanted something less boring, less cliche, and less... less expensive. Some people opt for alternative engagement jewelry, but it's still... jewelry. (And society will never never accept it the way they do an engagement ring anyway).

If I'm ever asked to marry I think we should skip rings all together and give each other some other gift to represent our eternal love... something meaningful to us like a matching set of engagement handcuffs. Or engagement i-pods. Or a pair of pet birds (love birds are adorable and appropriately named). Or how about planting an engagement tree? In many countries the maple tree is a symbol of love and what can could encourage a long, sweet life more than a tree that has deep roots and is known for its sweet syrup. Or in that case, maybe we'll just have a big plate of engagement pancakes. Mmmmm. Yummy yummy love.

Bridesmaids/Ushers


I once joked with a guy friend that if he ever got married, that I wanted to be an usher-ette in his wedding instead of a bridesmaid. (I figured it'd be a lot more fun: trade the bridal shower and ugly dresses for a strip club bachelor party!) When I mentioned that idea to another friend, she basically called me dumb because she said that any male friends of the bride would be ushers and any female friends of the ground would be bridesmaids. Part of her defense of this stance was the boy-girl pairing for when they walk down the processional.

That really bugged me because the whole ridiculous division of boy-girl-boy-girl nonsense implies that women only have female friends and men only have male friends and any "freak exceptions" have to crossover. I have had many significant friendships with men over the years and I don't mean "friends with benefits" (or at least not every time). I resent the way we're trained from childhood to "stick to our own". (Except of course when it comes to relationships, at which point our homophobic society pushes us not to stick to our own).

I don't particularly think that you need to have your best friends standing up next to you when you get married but if I am going to do that then don't I want my friends standing up next to... you know... me? Not on the other side of the room, next to the groom, just because they happen to have a penis. I think if I ever got married, I probably wouldn't even have bridesmaids at all (it's kind of like the myspace top 8, "these are my favorite friends... on display for you all to see!") but if I did, it would probably be a mixed group of bridemaids and "brides-men".



The Father-of-the-Bride Giving the Bride Away


This tradition has always bugged me. The bride's father (or some other "fatherly" male figure in her life) walks the bride down the aisle and "gives her away" like something out of our patriarchial past. Her father gives her to the groom like she's just another piece of property. Ick. Yes, I realize there's symbolism of leaving her family to start a new one, but it still just reeks of a past when women were powerless. They couldn't vote or own property and have few rights... they literally went from being daughters to wives to mothers. The young bride goes from the rule of her father to the rule of her husband.

Also, not everyone has a father - or just one father for that matter. I've seen brides walked down the aisle by two parents or none at all. I mean the phrase is "here comes the bride", not "here comes the bride and her whole family". Does she really need to be given away? And really, why does there need to be a huge production of the bride coming down the aisle anyway? It's not a debutante ball; she doesn't need to make a huge entrance. I think I would probably just stroll in and get it done, with little to-do.



Wedding Gown


I never really went for the whole white dress idea. I think the whole concept of the white dress symbolizing purity is lame and archaic. (Even though techinically white wedding dresses didn't even symbolize purity until the Christian church decided that they did; in reality they originated as a symbol of status and wealth). Being both a symbol of purity and social status, I have no desire to wear white.

And if you want to think of it from another point of view, white is hardly flattering on most people. If you really do believe that your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your life and want all eyes on you... don't you want to wear something that will make you look and feel as beautiful as possible. As beautiful as possible in a way that is totally and completely you. I've seen so many brides get so dolled up that they no longer look like themselves; they are literally wearing a "bride costume". All the hair and makeup and ruffles and taffeta and lace and diamonds... instead looking like the radiant, happy, amazing women that their fiances fell in love with in the first place, they come out like some kinda of poufy marshmallow drag queen Barbie princesses.

In ancient times many brides wore bright colored dresses to signify their joy. I have a feeling that the only wedding dress you'd ever catch me in would be bright red (which is coincidentally, a traditional wedding dress color in China and India).

I would also skip the veil - why? There are several theories as to the origin and symbolism of the wedding veil and frankly I don't care for any of them of feel they have a place in today's society. Some feel that the veil symbolizes a wife's submission to husband (going back to the days when she would stand beneath a canopy to signify that she was under the protection of her groom). Lifting the veil symbolized the grooms dominance over the bride.

Others consider it to be a symbol of modesty, while some consider it a symbol of purity and innocence (or more specifically, virginity as many see the lifting of the veil to be symbolic of the breaking of the hymen upon consummation). In some cultures it served to protect the bride from evil spirits, while in others the bride's face was to be hidden from the groom until after the marriage was completed - at which point he would see his bride for the first time and not be able to back out until it was too late. (How romantic).




Vows


I save the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) for last. Obviously I have problems with the traditional wedding vows that include things like "honor and obey" but luckily it's become much more acceptable to omit that line.

And it's become much more common to write your own vows. I know not everyone is a creative person or is able to put their love into words poignantly. However, using the standard, boring, old vows seems too easy. Really everything I've been saying about all the wedding traditions is that your wedding should be about your own individuality, not trying to fit into the mold of what tradition says a wedding is. The white dress, the diamond ring, the "in sickness and in health" are all just cliche expressions of something that shouldn't be cliche. It should be about you and your spouse... it should be about your love.

I don't know if I would be able to write the most poetic wedding vows, but if I ever vow to spend my life with someone else I want to speak from my heart.

February 10, 2008

World Marriage Day?

Today, being the second Sunday in February, is known as World Marriage Day. (Well okay, maybe "known as" isn't completely true, seeing I definitely didn't know that and couldn't find anyone in my life who did. But apparently it's a real thing).


World Marriage Day honors husband and wife as head of the family, the basic unit of society. It salutes the beauty of their faithfulness, sacrifice and joy in daily, married life.


The idea of celebrating marriage began in Baton Rouge, La., in 1981, when couples encouraged the Mayor, the Governor and the Bishop to proclaim St. Valentines Day as "We Believe in Marriage Day". The event was so successful, the idea was presented to and was adopted by Worldwide Marriage Encounter's National Leadership. By 1982, 43 Governors officially proclaimed the day and celebrations spread to U.S. military bases in several foreign countries. In 1983, the name was changed to "World Marriage Day", designated to be celebrated each year on the second Sunday in February. In 1993, his Holiness, Pope John Paul II, imparted his Apostolic Blessings on World Marriage Day. WMD celebrations continue to grow and spread to more countries and faith expressions every year.

It actually sounds kind of sweet... for about a second. And then I started to read further and realized that it is a Christian movement that instead of celebrating marriage, as you'd think it's supposed to do, it actually is promoting marriage. Now some of you might be thinking, well who cares, what's the difference? There is a difference and yes, it is signficant.

I'm not against marriage, but I definitely don't think it is for everyone. I resent the implications often made about unmarried couples, that their relationship or their love is somehow less real or less valid because they don't have that piece of paper calling them husband and wife. Which brings me to my next issue, husband and wife. World Marriage Day is clearly about marriage between husband and wife, that is a man and a woman, and completely discredits the love that can occur within same-sex relationships.

So, if I don't want to get married - my love somehow isn't legitimate, I'm "living in sin" or not willing to "sacrifice" enough. However, if I do want to get married, but I happen to want to marry another woman... well that's not okay either. Eh, screw World Marriage Day. I mean Valentine's day is enough of a crock of superficial love without having to pair it up with the message that "if you don't get married too, you're really not in love!"

Anyway, as I say, screw World Marriage Day... but it did make me think a little bit about how much marriage is on everyone's minds lately, especially in February. I've often said that I don't want to get married and people often mistake that for a hatred of the institution of marriage. I honestly have nothing against marriage and by saying I don't want to marry, doesn't mean that I wouldn't marry. If I ever found someone that I loved so deeply that I actually wanted to be with them for the rest of my life (or at least, potentially) and they asked me to marry them... yeah I'd say yes. However, I've heard so many women speak of marriage proposals in the terms of "when will he ask me already?" and ultimatums. If you have to put pressure on someone to marry you... do you even really want to marry that person? I think if a marriage proposal doesn't come unsolicited, then it's virtually meaningless. If someone asks you to marry them because they're afraid they'll lose you if they don't (or even worse, they know they'll lose you if they don't) then what is the point?

The way I see it, the only reason to propose to someone is because you're so deeply in love that you can't fathom not having them in your life, you want your friends and family to witness it and join in that love, you want to scream it from the rooftops, you want the world to know, and you just need to express that love in every means possible, including legally.

But if you do all that without, you know, the "legally" part - does that somehow make your love less? I know that theoretically marriage is more than just a piece of paper, but really, technically, is it? Does that piece of paper make your relationship realer? Just because you're sworn in front of friends and family - and potentially "God" - that you will love this person forever, does that somehow make it less forever than if you made a private promise? Does signing that marriage certificate somehow mean that they'll never break your heart or you'll never fall out of love? I know that marriage is a test of faith, but isn't it really more that love is a test of faith? Does the fact that it's somehow "easier" to end a relationship when you're not legally bound to each other, make that bond of marriage somehow less breakable?

I don't have anything against marriage, but I will never "need" it the way some people do. And I will never "crave" that ring and that wedding the way some women do. And that's not to say that they're stupid or weird or old fashioned if they do want and even need the wedding and the ring and the piece of paper. I have nothing but respect for people who want to get married and who actually do it, I just have a distaste for those who want it so much they'd sacrifice the who or at least the why.


So in "honor of" World Marriage Day, consider the next few days before and after Valentine's Day: "Evil Slutopia Wedding Week", or, um, sort of. Yeah never mind that. I don't want to devote a whole week to weddings. Maybe we'll give you two more days, max. I think that's all you need anyway.

February 8, 2008

Really Specific Dating Criteria

Single for Valentine's Day? Normally here at Evil Slutopia, we'd just tell you "Who cares!? Valentine's Day is bullshit"... (and well, we will tell you that in a few days anyway). However, today we thought we'd maybe help you do something about it instead.


There's always the option to join Match.com or e-Harmony or one of those typical dating sites, but it's safe to assume that if you're reading the Evil Slutopia blog that you're probably not e-Harmony material. Lucky for you there are so many other "alternative" options for Internet dating nowadays, in case you do want to try to find that special someone online.


First of all, there is chemistry.com, which is slowly becoming famous thanks to their commercials about how eHarmony rejects people for mysterious or arbitrary reasons (you know, like being gay). There is also Perfectmatch.com which has been described as an eHarmony alternative for those who aren't necessarily marriage-oriented.


There are also highly specific sites now that cater to every niche category you could possibly think of. There are the obvious ones such as race, religion, and sexual orientation. Then there are the slightly more specific ones like political affiliation, marital status, age, and occupation. Also physical disabilities, dietary restrictions, medical health and body type. And of course, there are a slew of hobby and activity-oriented subsections of the population. Then it gets even more extra-specific by combining two or more of the above categories, until it reaches the point of ridiculousness.

The basic premise of most of these sites is to find someone who is "compatible" with you - that is shares similar interests, beliefs, lifestyle or background. Of course, this makes the assumption that being exactly alike necessarily means you are compatible. (I thought that sometimes opposites attract?) On the other hand, there are sites that match people not by identical interests, but by "complimentary" interests. Take WealthyMen.com for example: this site pairs wealthy men (duh) with women who... want to date wealthy men. Total compatibility. (Of course, they could just call it "golddiggers.com" but to each his own).


I'm not sure what I think is the best solution when it comes to online dating - sites with huge networks of random miscellaneous people or highly specific niche sites with little carbon copies of yourself. But just in case any of our readers wanted something a little different from the boring generic e-Harmony and e-Harmony-rip-off sites out there... we thought we'd give you a glimpse into the world of alternative niche online dating.

The sites we've listed were chosen because we read that they have been reviewed favorably or because we just liked the name or because we think it's funny/cool/odd/interesting that this particular website exists. (You can guess which ones fit which reasons). Listing a site here does not imply or suggest that we endorse or recommend the site. Also, since this is hardly a comprehensive list and we've left a lot out, if you have a weird fetish or hobby and want to find your "match" do your own alternative-dating sites search.

Happy hunting!


Race/Ethnicity


Religion


Sexual Orientation/Gender Identity


Political views

Physical disability/impairment

Age

    Dietary Restrictions/Philosophies

    Family/Marital Status

    Occupation/Vocation

    Financial Status

    Health Conditions/STD-Status

    Size

    Athletics

    Pet Owners/Animal Lovers

    Anything else you could possibly think of

    Why haven't we started "EvilSlutConnection" yet?