Disclaimer

Some parts of this blog may contain adult-oriented material. (It is NOT porn or erotica, but some of the content is inappropriate for children). If you are under your country's legal age to view such material or find it to be "objectionable", please leave this page now. Reader discretion is advised...but if you couldn't infer from the title that this may be an adult-oriented blog, then you shouldn't be on the Internet at all.

Everything on the Evil Slutopia blog is copyrighted by the E.S.C. and ESC Forever Media and may not be used without credit to the authors. But feel free to link to us as much as you want! For other legal information, disclaimers and FAQs visit ESCForeverMedia.com.

November 30, 2007

WE DID IT!!!

We made it! A whole month of posting every day for NaBloPoMo. Although this last post is kind of cheating isn't it? Eh, we don't care. It still counts!

We admit it wasn't all quality (and we did have two guest bloggers!) but for the most part we think we had a pretty good month. And it's got to be better than some of the NaNoWriMo "novels" people have been posting. (Oh shit, did we say that? No offense). If anything, it got us more motivated and inspired us to write more. We couldn't think of a better way to have spent our anniversary month.

A quick trip to the official NaNoWriMo (which is annoying as hell to type, by the way) website tells us a couple of interesting things.


How do you win? Are there judges? What are the prizes?

The way to win NaNoWriMo is by writing 50,000 words by midnight on November 30. Every year, there are many, many winners. There are no "Best Novel" or "Quickest-Written Novel" awards given out. All winners will get an official "Winner" web icon and certificate.

How do you define "novel?" Does fan fiction count? What if I want to write interconnected short stories rather than a novel? What if my story is largely autobiographical, or is based on a real person? Can I still write it in November?

We define a novel as "a lengthy work of fiction." Beyond that, we let you decide whether what you're writing falls under the heading of "novel." In short: If you believe you're writing a novel, we believe you're writing a novel too.


We're not going to bother to go back and count, but we're going to assume that we wrote 50,000 words this month. So if we truly believe in our hearts that Evil Slutopia was a novel in November (hell, let's call it EvSluBloNo), do you think we've got a shot at one of those nifty "Winner" web icons?

Okay, okay, enough jokes at the expense of NaNaNaNaHeyHeyHeyGoodbye. It's a wonderful project. We're actually thinking about writing our own novel next year. Well, not really. But the good news is, while we might not manage to post something to the blog every day in December (hey, we have shopping to do!) this has inspired us to write more and more... so we think we'll have a pretty good run next month as well. 2007 has been amazing and we're looking forward to 2008.

Thanks again to everyone for reading and commenting and emailing and promoting us... We love and appreciate all the support we've gotten this first year online and we hope you continue to read. Also, you can still add us on myspace and live journal or get an invite to our message forum by sending us a quick email. And don't forget, it's still not too late to enter our first ever "Dare the ESC" contest!

November 29, 2007

World AIDS Day is December 1st

Saturday, December 1st is World AIDS Day. Why are we telling you this today? Because a lot of events are happening this weekend so we thought you might want to know what's up before the big day and also because AIDS should be an issue we're concerned with every day, not just once a year.

In case you haven't figured it out, World AIDS Day is a day dedicated to raising awareness about HIV and AIDS. There are a lot of ways you can take part in this day...

  • go get tested for HIV

  • sponsor a child orphaned or made vulnerable by AIDS or make a donation to another one of many AIDS charities

  • honor the memory of a loved one lost to AIDS

  • educate yourself about AIDS and HIV

  • spread the knowledge by posting an AIDS-related blog entry
  • attend one of the many events going on this week, around the globe
  • sign a petition to help HIV-positive mothers and to prevent pediatric HIV/AIDS
  • take the 6,000 challenge to acknowledge the 6,000 children orphaned every day because of AIDS
  • watch Rent and sing along to all of the songs (this isn't just us, right?)

  • have only safe, protected sex from now on

  • comment on our blog and let us (and everyone else) know about a cool event or project or website that you're involved in for World AIDS Day...

November 28, 2007

the sexiest things a woman can do?

This might be the dumbest thing since "Why We Have Sex".

Not too long ago we read an article on AOL in which celebrities share the sexiest things a woman can do. Our opinion is that most celebrities are apparently morons.

Just a few of our favorites:

"You want to have good skin and be blond and all that good stuff," says the non-blond singer Rihanna. Um, what?

American Idol
winner Katharine McPhee says that "Men are sexy, but I always think of women being more sexy than men, in a different kind of way". Okay then. Thanks for clearing that up Katharine. How to be sexy: be different than men.

Ginnifer Goodwin lists the following things as sexy: Paul Newman, chocolate, and the South. Hmm. OKAY.

You know what I find sexy? Not being a fucking moron!

November 27, 2007

Why We Have Sex

So according to Men's Health, some researchers at the University of Texas asked a bunch of men and women why they had sex and came up with 237 reasons.

First of all, isn't there anything more important they could be researching? Like a cure for cancer perhaps. No, let's spend our time and resources on figuring out why people fuck. Secondly, don't we all already know most of the reasons people fuck? And finally... there is no way there are 237 separate reasons to have sex. Unless those 237 reasons consisted of just listing 237 different dudes' names.

Upon further investigation... we found that most of their answers are extremely repetitive. So we've narrowed them down to a few main categories and decided that there were actually maybe 37 reasons "discovered" by these "geniuses".


1. Physical Attraction
The person's physical appearance turned me on.
The person had a desirable body.
The person had an attractive face.
The person was too "hot" (sexy) to resist.
The person was too physically attractive to resist.
I saw the person naked and could not resist.
The person had beautiful eyes.
I was attracted to the person.
The person wore revealing clothes.

2. Other Forms of "Attraction"
The person smelled nice.
The person was intelligent.
The person was a good dancer.
The person seemed self-confident.
The person had a great sense of humor.
The person was mysterious.
I knew the person was usually "out of my league."
The person was really desired by others.
Someone had told me that this person was good in bed.

3. Physical Pleasure/Enjoyment
I wanted the pure pleasure.
I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
It feels good.
I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
It's fun.

4. Arousal/Seduction
I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
I was turned on by the sexual conversation.
The person was a good kisser.
An erotic movie had me turned on.
The person caressed me.
The person made me feel sexy.
The person flattered me.
The person really desired me.
I was seduced.

5. Horniness
I was "horny."
I had not had sex in a long time.
I hadn't had sex for a while.
I wanted to relieve "blue balls."
I was frustrated and needed relief.
My hormones were out of control.

6. Sex Addiction
I am a sex addict.
I'm addicted to sex.
I wanted to satisfy a compulsion.
It became a habit.
I had no self-control

7. Adventure/Excitement
I wanted the adventure/excitement.
It's exciting, adventurous.
I wanted to lose my inhibitions.
I wanted to act out a fantasy.
My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else.

8. Rebellion
I wanted to defy my parents.
It's considered "taboo" by society.
I felt rebellious.

9. Curiosity
I was curious about what the person was like in bed.
I was curious about my sexual abilities.
I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person.
I was curious about sex.
I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better.
I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned (e.g. on marijuana or some other drug).
I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner.
Practice, Practice, Practice!
I wanted to improve my sexual skills.
I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions.
I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
I wanted the experience.

10. “Why Not?”
The opportunity presented itself.
It just happened.
It just seemed like the thing to do.
The person was "available."
I was bored.

11. Health Benefits
I thought it would make me feel healthy.
It seemed like good exercise.
I wanted to relieve my menstrual cramps.
I wanted to burn calories.
I wanted to keep warm.
I thought it would help me to fall asleep.

12. Manipulation/Control
I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
I wanted to "gain control" of the person.
I wanted to "possess" the person.
I thought it would help "trap" a new partner.
I wanted to feel powerful.
I wanted to dominate the other person.

13. Personal Gain
I wanted to get a raise.
I wanted to get a job.
I wanted to get a promotion.
Someone offered me money to do it.
I wanted to gain access to that person's friend.
The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
The person had a lot of money.
I wanted to make money.
I wanted to get a special favor from someone.
I wanted to get a favor from someone.
The person had taken me out for an expensive dinner.
The person had bought me jewelry.
I wanted to get out of doing something.
It would get me gifts.
It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.

14. Escape/Relief
I wanted to forget about my problems.
I thought it would relax me.
I wanted to release anxiety/stress.
I wanted to release tension.
I wanted to get rid of aggression.

15. Peer Pressure/Reputation
My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
I wanted to have something to tell my friends.
I could brag to other people about my sexual experience.
I wanted to be popular.
I wanted to gain acceptance from my friends.
Everyone else was having sex.
I thought it would boost my social status.
I wanted to enhance my reputation.
I wanted to impress friends.
It would damage my reputation if I said "no."
My friends pressured me into it.
I was competing with someone to "get the person."
I wanted to brag to my friends about my conquests.
I wanted to have more sex than my friends.
Someone dared me.
The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.

16. Obligation
I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner.
I felt like it was my duty.
I felt obligated to.
It was expected of me.
I felt like I owed it to the person.
I was married and you're supposed to.
It was part of the relationship "routine."

17. Coercion/Nagging
I was physically forced to.
I was pressured into doing it.
I was verbally coerced into doing it.
I wanted to stop my partner's nagging.
The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
My partner kept insisting.
I was afraid to say "no" due to the possibility of physical harm.
I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex.

18. Laziness/Lack of Social Skills
It was easier to "go all the way" than to stop.
I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
I didn't know how to say "no."

19. Pity/Guilt/Random Acts of Kindness
It was a favor to someone.
I was slumming.
I wanted to avoid hurting someone else's feelings.
I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself.
I wanted to return a favor.
I wanted to be nice.
I felt sorry for the person.
I wanted to make the person feel better about himself/herself.
I felt guilty.
I didn't want to disappoint the person.

20. Hallmark Wasn't Enough
I wanted to welcome someone home.
I wanted to say "I'm sorry."
I wanted to say "goodbye."
I wanted to say "Thank you."
I wanted to say "I've missed you."
I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion.
It was a special occasion.
I wanted to celebrate something.

21. Impairment
I was drunk.
I was under the influence of drugs.

22. Spirituality
I wanted a "spiritual" experience.
I wanted to feel closer to God.

23. Conquest
I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed.
I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced.
I wanted to make a conquest.
I needed another "notch on my belt."

24. Procreation
I wanted to have a child.
I wanted to reproduce.

25. To Please or Submit to Partner
I wanted to keep my partner happy.
I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.
I wanted to please my partner.
I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.
I wanted to lift my partner's spirits.
I wanted to help my partner forget about his/her problems.
I wanted to display submission.
I wanted to submit to my partner.

26. Fear of Losing Partner
I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn't have sex with him/her.
I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
I wanted to decrease my partner's desire to have sex with someone else.
I didn't want to "lose" the person.
I wanted to prevent a breakup.
I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
I wanted to ensure the relationship was "committed."
I wanted to make up after a fight.

27. Intimacy/Romance/To Show Love
I wanted to become one with another person.
I wanted to feel connected to the person.
I wanted to intensify my relationship.
It was a romantic setting.
I wanted to put the passion back into my relationship.
I desired emotional closeness (i.e. intimacy).
I wanted to increase my emotional bond by having sex.
I wanted to communicate at a deeper level.
I realized I was in love.
I wanted to show my affection to the person.
I wanted to express my love for the person.

28. To Get Love
I wanted to get a partner to express love.
I wanted the person to love me.
I wanted to feel loved.

29. Self Loathing
I wanted to be used or degraded.
I wanted to punish myself.

30. Attention
It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.
I wanted my partner to notice me.
I wanted the attention.

31. Self-Esteem/Validation
I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
I wanted to feel attractive.
I wanted to feel good about myself.
I wanted to boost my self-esteem.
I felt insecure.
I wanted to raise my self-esteem.
I was feeling lonely.

32. To Feel A Certain Way
I wanted to feel older.
I wanted to feel feminine.
I wanted to feel young.
I wanted to feel masculine.
I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation.
33. Rebound Sex/Jealousy
I was trying to "get over" and earlier person/relationship.
I was on the "rebound" from another relationship.
I felt jealous.
I wanted to make someone else jealous.

34. Revenge Sex
I wanted to get even with someone (i.e. revenge).
I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me.
I wanted to get rid of a headache.
I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner.
I was mad at my partner, so I had sex with someone else.
I wanted to break up a rival's relationship by having sex with his/her partner.
I wanted to hurt an enemy.

35. Other Cruel Intentions
I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).
I wanted to breakup another's relationship.
I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
I wanted to breakup my relationship.
I wanted to end the relationship.
The person had too much to drink and I was about to take advantage of them.

36. Stroke of Fate
I was "in the heat of the moment."
I got "carried away."
It seemed like the natural next step.
Because of a bet.

37. Other “Priorities”
It would allow me to "get sex out of my system" so that I could focus on other things.
I wanted to get the most out of life.
I was tired of being a virgin.
I wanted to become more focused on work -- sexual thoughts are distracting.

I still don't understand why "I needed a ride home" wasn't listed (although I suppose that could fall under Personal Gain). And we're kinda disturbed to see physical force and fear of harm listed here, because it's a little scary and depressing to think that there are still so many people who don't realize that rape doesn't equal sex.

On the flip side, some of these are just funny. "To keep warm"? Yeah, why put on a sweater when you can just have sex! "I saw the person naked and couldn't resist"? That makes it sound like it just happened to be a situation where one or both people were naked for some random non-sexual reason and the sex "just happened" (another favorite reason) after the totally unrelated nudity. Our money's on naked Twister.

And the most important question in all of this...when is someone going to offer us money to conduct this kind of "research"? It would have taken us approximately 20 minutes and 6-8 Coronas to come up with better results than this.

November 26, 2007

Lost in Translation?

The Evil Slut Clique always gets all kinds of interesting messages from various people on myspace. Sometimes we get requests for advice. (The initial thought is always "who would ask us for advice!?")

We recently received a message from someone whose profile indicates that he is a 24 year old male living in Korea. Apparently he somehow got the idea that we are "beautiful lesbians" and sex experts... and he has some very important questions about cunnilingus. Obviously, this could be completely bullshit and he's some douche bag in Jersey having a laugh by asking for oral sex tips over the Internet in broken English. Either way, STD-prevention is important so we thought we'd answer him and share it with you.

hi

how are you ?

i saw your profile and leave this

im from south korea and straight man

i respect all kind of love

and i respect you

....and my english is not good enough

but i wanna friend with you

glad to meet you

and i know youre beautiful lesbian
and i have some question to you

i need help and really hope you understand me

i love women as much as you love and care
and i love to kissing women's body and pussy and clitoris

im just straight man but i love to outcourse love
i think im not interesting intercourse and in&out sex

and i love cunnilingus

did you ever kiss someone's pussy?

if you have any experience of cunnilingus or informations
can you answer me please?

i hope you answer me please

i think im little sefish but i wanna
love and kissing pussy
i wanna free away from disease

(if you ever had cunnilingus with your partner or lover)

*what did you try to be clean?

*what did you ready for?

*how to have cunnilingus safety and clean ?

if you ever using medicines or something
can you tell me what kind of medicines?

you know many people using tooth pastes and teeth brushes
and wanshing their teeth before they have kiss

and you know many people using condoms
when they have sex in safety

then how can i do if i wanna have cunnilingus in safety?

i know this is very very bad question
but hard to take answers from people

and i really wonder and give me some tips and advices

hope you answer me and help me out please

hope you have goodtime and take care

bye

Our response to him (and to the rest of you who are interested in having safe cunnilingus):

Hmm. We are not actually lesbians - not sure where you got that idea. Nor are we experts in safe sex or cunnilingus. However, we're happy to try to help answer your questions on this subject and direct you to resources that may also help.

There is nothing selfish about wanting to be free from disease. Although it is a somewhat lower risk than intercourse, sexually transmitted infections can be passed through oral sex so you are right to want to protect yourself.

You can reduce the risk of infection during cunnilingus by using dental dams or latex barriers for protection. "Dental dams" are squares of ultra-thin latex that can be put over your partner's vulva during oral sex. (They even come in flavors if so desired). You can also make your own dental dam using an unrolled condom or a latex glove. Regular plastic wrap can be used instead of latex, but this should be a last resort only since obviously plastic wrap wasn't developed (and hasn't been scientifically tested) for this purpose.

You should also avoid cunnilingus if you have mouth ulcers, bleeding gums, or open cuts in your mouth. Do not perform oral sex if your partner is having a Herpes outbreak or if you have cold sores on your mouth. While it is considerate to think of brushing your teeth before kissing someone, do not brush your teeth immediately before oral sex. You may cause slight bleeding of the gums which can put you at a higher risk for contracting an STD.

Another important way to prevent STDs is to get tested regularly and make sure that your partner does as well. Maintain open and honest communication with your partner about past partners and testing and other concerns.

* For general information on Sexually Transmitted Diseases: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

* For some tips on how to give great oral sex to women: Sex Info 101


If any one else out there has a question you'd like to ask us, we'd be happy to help. Email us!

November 25, 2007

Got Chlamydia?

More than one million cases of chlamydia were reported in the U.S. last year. That is the most ever reported for a sexually transmitted disease according to federal health officials. I suppose if we're going to set any kind of U.S. record nowadays, that'll be it.

Not sure if this means that chlamydia isn't just for evil sluts anymore... or if the number of evil sluts in America is simply rising.

The good news? (Yes, every STD has a silver lining!)... The high record of chlamydia might be a result of better screening. That is, the number of infections hasn't necessarily increased so much as the number of infections known. And maybe the sales of our Got Chlamydia? items might go up. (And our Chlamydia Free items are great post-antibiotics presents).

The extra bad news? Word is that Gonorrhea and Syphilis rates are rising too.

So what are we going to do about this?

November 24, 2007

We're Thankful...

This year, the Evil Slut Clique has a lot to be thankful for. Here's just a small sampling of what made us feel grateful on Thanksgiving 2007:


  • Our Reproductive rights (or what's left of them for now).

  • Reality TV (even though we strongly support the Writers Guild in their on-going strike, we admit we're still guilty of loving the fake "reality" of Rock of Love and Project Runway, etc.)

  • All the wonderful people out there willing to have sex with us.

  • That we are able to be with our friends, family and other loved ones this year and that we have been blessed with both health and happiness. (And that we didn't have to travel to get to them!)

  • That we live in New York, where the choices are limitless... You can find any kind of bar, restaurant, museum, gallery, play, concert, store, etc. With so much culture and such a diversity of people, why would you want to be anywhere else?

  • Chocolate. And pizza. And booze. (And sometimes all three together).

  • Our intelligent and funny guest bloggers who help us be extra lazy and have been great friends over the years.

  • All the friends and fans we've made in our first year of blogdom (you will never know how much your support has really meant to us).

Don't forget to enter our contest!


Stay evil, Stay slutty,

The Evil Slut Clique

(Jezebel, Lilith, Eve, and Mary Mag.)

November 23, 2007

Bye Buy!

Today is (in the consumerist United States at least) known as Black Friday. It is the day after Thanksgiving and therefore the traditional beginning of the holiday shopping season. It is one of the biggest and busiest day to shop, but also the day with some of the best sales.


Today is also Buy Nothing Day, which is an informal day of protest against consumerism. (Internationally, Buy Nothing Day is tomorrow, but in the U.S. it is always the day after Thanksgiving). It is a day to examine the issue of over-consumption.

Critics of "Buy Nothing Day" say that it doesn't make any difference, because people will just buy twice as much the next day... but I suppose it's well intentioned and can send a message.

You can be assured that the members of the Evil Slut Clique will not be shopping today, but not because of any protest. We're just tired from yesterday and don't want to brave the massive crowds. Who knew laziness could turn into social activism?

November 22, 2007

A Thanksgiving Rant

Happy Thanksgiving!



Okay, now that I've said it I can also say that I hate Thanksgiving.

In my opinion, the whole Pilgrims-and-Indians thing isn't really anything to celebrate. It's the same way I feel about Columbus Day: Let's celebrate the invasion of Native America by white people! Fun! What am I thankful for this year? I'm thankful that home wasn't taken from me in exchange for plastic beads and small pox.

But that's not even the issue really... I hate what Thanksgiving symbolizes. Now don't get me wrong. I absolutely agree with the concept of being grateful for my good fortune. I just don't see why I should be forced to feel grateful on this one specific day. Shouldn't we be grateful everyday?

Thanksgiving gives us a "wonderful opportunity" to spend special time with relatives and loved ones, but again, why it this one day such a big deal? Why not spend time with loved ones whenever it strikes your fancy? Wouldn't it mean more to visit family just because you wanted to and not because the calendar told you to do so? It doesn't make sense that we are forced to spend "quality time" with them on this day, the same day everyone else does it, therefore ensuring we will be stuck in traffic for hours and/or pay outrageous airline prices in order to do so. (Thanksgiving week is the #1 travel nightmare week). And speaking of family: Thanksgiving makes those people without family (or those who cannot be with their families for whatever reason) feel pathetic and alone.

My least favorite part of Thanksgiving is the dinner. I do not eat turkey. I do not eat stuffing. I do not eat pumpkin pie. I do not eat cranberry sauce. I do not eat sweet potatoes. Or yams. (I'm still not clear on the difference between sweet potatoes and yams; I only know that I detest both). Pumpkin pie? No thanks. I do not like any traditional Thanksgiving foods, but my real issue with the dinner is not actually with the food itself. It is the fact that everyone gathers with the sole purpose of engorging him or herself. This holiday has become not a time to acknowledge how grateful we are and to spend time with family, but an excuse for overindulgence. Let's eat like a pig! Let's drink like a fish! Let's lounge on the sofa watching football like a sloth! (Perhaps that last one isn't exactly zoologically accurate... but I'm sure that if a sloth did have a sofa and a television, it would certainly spend its Thanksgivings watching football).

We're supposed to be acknowledging our appreciation for all we have, the things that matter – our life, our health, our family, our friends – not our new car or our widescreen TV. Yet, we express this appreciation by being gluttonous and lazy?

Some say Thanksgiving would be better spent doing charitable works; acknowledging our good fortunate by sharing it with others, not by greedily overindulging in it. Unfortunately those who do think to volunteer on Thanksgiving miss the mark by choosing to serve food at a soup kitchen. Thanksgiving is the one time of year when soup kitchens actually have to turn volunteers away. Why not volunteer on a random day, when help is really needed? It all goes back to being grateful everyday and not just the fourth Thursday in November.

Then there's the parade. I don't remember the Thanksgiving Parade always being so overly saturated with Christmas references. I recall Santa Claus taking up the rear (that sounds a lot dirtier than I intended it to), but the past few years you might as well have called it the Pre-Christmas Parade. I know Christmas has become quite commercial but when did it stop being a Christian holiday? As far as I know, not every American who celebrates Thanksgiving is a Christian and frankly, I don't want to hear Christmas music until December, if at all. (Unless it's New Kids on the Block singing "Funky Funky Xmas", because who doesn't have a funky, dope jam on top of your Christmas list?)

Christmas is another holiday that has become a joke. First of all, Jesus Christ - if he did exist - was likely not born on December 25th according to historians. (Historians also say that he was born sometime between 8-2 BC. Yes, that's right "Before Christ". Gotta love it). The whole basis of Christmas has been forgotten and replaced with bright flashing lights and big fat men in red suits. And if Thanksgiving is the holiday of overeating, Christmas is the holiday of overspending... It's nauseating.

But I'll bore you with my rant about that next month.

November 21, 2007

ESC Travel Tales

Thanksgiving Eve is famous for two things: It is the biggest evening of binge drinking done by college kids who are home for the holiday and it is the biggest travel day of the year. We've already bitched about the "home from college crowd" last year, so this year we will share with you a quick glimpse into some of our favorite (and worst) traveling stories.


Our Top 10 Totally True Travel-Related Quotes


1
"Did I mention that I can't drive you to Orlando anymore?"

"But we need to get to Orlando for our return flight home."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out."


2

"How are we supposed to find someone we've never seen before in Penn Station during rush hour?"


"She said she'd be wearing red pants."

"Oh, okay... hey look, over there! Red pants, red pants!"

"That's a guy."

"Oh, right. Sorry. I got excited."


3
"I know we just met him tonight... and we're really drunk... and we're in a strange city... but I'm sure it's totally safe to let him drive us home. We'll just...take a picture of his license plate! You know, in case he kills and murders us."

"But if he kills and murders us, who is going to bring the camera to the police?"

4

"You can't drive us to the wedding. Seriously, I'm sure we can find another way to get to the church. We'll take a car service if we have to."

"Why can't I drive you? It's no big deal."

"Uh, because you're the groom. You probably have other things to do."


5

“I just paid a $10 cover charge so that I can drink a BudLite, that came from a can, in a plastic cup, that I 'paid for' with a red ticket, at a club, in a mall, where bad music is playing so loudly that I can’t even hear the lame pickup line about shoes that this ugly guy just gave me.”

"Great vacation so far, huh?"

"At least it's 'ladies night'. Got any more red tickets?"


6

"Um, no. We're not letting her leave with you. It's her first time in NYC and we just met you yesterday."

"But I wanted to show her Times Square."

"Well, why didn't you just say so? In that case, please take her."


7

"Yeah, he just came in and said 'It's gonna be a long weekend.'"

"I hope you guys don’t get annoyed by us staying here."

"Don’t worry, I have loud and obnoxious friends too."

"Gee, thanks."


8

"I can't believe we're stuck here for two hours."

"Well, who knew this was the one and only train that switches at a different station?"

"Maybe if Miss Big Mouth hadn't been talking so damn much we would have heard the announcement. This is totally her fault, and she'll be home in bed before we even get out of here."

"We have time to kill, let's call her up and tell her that."


9

"It wouldn't be that weird to take the hotel courtesy shuttle to the casino, right?"

"No, weird would be if we took it to that gay bar down the street."

"That's not a gay bar."

"It's called The Bull Pen."

"Okay, maybe it is."



10

"This isn't the Greyhound station. She dropped us off at the wrong bus station! Does she think we can take a local city bus all the way to the other side of the state?"

"Consider the source here. We're lucky she dropped us off anywhere."





"Can anyone tell me... how we ended up on a Greyhound bus...
in the middle of Florida... this damn early in the morning?"




Honorable Mention:
"You were impossible to please. Even my car wasn't cool enough for you."

(Of course that wasn't true. And after that vacation we learned that it wasn't her car that wasn't cool enough for us. But we're sure all of our wonderful readers are cool enough, so if you'd like us to come and visit you, just send us plane tickets).

November 20, 2007

Mary Mag Talks Religion

Okay, so obviously a girl who calls herself Mary Magdalene is going to have some pretty complicated feelings when it comes to religion. But can you blame me? Let's take a look at some of today's religious craziness, shall we?

Pope Benedict Says Pharmacists Have Right To Conscientiously Object To Fill Emergency Contraception
Pope Benedict XVI on Monday at the 25th International Congress of Catholic Pharmacists in Rome told attendees that they have a right to conscientiously object to dispensing drugs such as emergency contraception, which can prevent pregnancy if take up to 72 hours after sexual intercourse, the AP/Google.com reports. Conscientious objection is a "right that must be recognized for your profession so you can avoid collaborating, directly or indirectly, in the supply of products which clearly have immoral aims" -- such as abortion and euthanasia -- Benedict said (Reuters, 10/29). He also encouraged pharmacists to inform patients on the ethical implications of taking such medications. "Pharmacists must seek to raise people's awareness so that all human beings are protected from conception to natural death and so that medicines truly play a therapeutic role," he said. He added, "It is not possible to anesthetize the conscience, for example, when it comes to molecules whose aim is to stop an embryo implanting or to cut short a person's life".
Silly me, I thought a pharmacist's job was to fill my prescription, not raise awareness about the risk of eternal damnation to my evil slutty soul. And I didn't realize that having a few letters in common actually makes "pharmacist" totally synonymous with "ethicist". Good to know that next time I'm facing some sort of moral dilemma in my life, I can just head down to the SuperTarget pharmacy counter for a little heart-to-heart chat. Maybe next the pope can empower the cashier down at CVS to raise my awareness if I try to buy condoms or tampons or red lipstick.

Mitt Romney thinks Adam and Eve looked promiscuous
...the former Massachusetts Governor (and current Iowa and New Hampshire GOP frontrunner) made an odd joke, it seemed to me, while campaigning in New Hampshire today, reports ABC News' ace cub reporter Matt Stuart (LINK). At one young couple's house, Romney remarked at the large leaves on their tree, quipping, "Adam and Eve would not have looked as promiscuous if they had had leaves this big."
Um...seems to me you'd have to really work at being promiscuous if you were the only two people on the planet. Excessive masturbation? Bestiality? Dendrophilia? I don't know. Although I guess he did say that they looked promiscuous, not that they actually were. So he really just thinks that naked=slutty. That seems perfectly normal and healthy. I'm sure he'd make a great president.

Catholic Bishops Offer Voting Guide, Allowing Some Flexibility on Issue of Abortion
Abortion is among a few evils greater than others, the document asserts. But it also concedes that Catholics face difficult decisions when voting and in some cases might be able to vote for those who support abortion rights or stem cell research. “There may be times when a Catholic who rejects a candidate’s unacceptable position may decide to vote for that candidate for other morally grave reasons,” the document says.

This is what passes for good news for women in the church these days. Abortion is horribly evil and wrong...but maybe just not the very most horribly evil and wrong thing of all time, or the very most important issue to base your vote on. Maybe. Sometimes. So if you vote for a pro-choice candidate, you probably won't burn in hell. As long as they don't support gay rights too, that would really be pushing it.

Two Faiths Divided on Women’s Ordination Ceremony

The Archdiocese of St. Louis and the Central Reform Congregation are on the same side when it comes to advocating for immigrants and the poor, often finding common ground in a zeal for social justice. But when the Jewish congregation offered its synagogue for an ordination of two women in a ceremony disavowed by the Roman Catholic Church, it drew the ire of archdiocese officials, who vowed never again to work with the congregation. The two women, Rose Marie Dunn Hudson, 67, of Festus, and Elsie Hainz McGrath, 69, of St. Louis, are scheduled to be ordained Sunday by a former nun as part of Roman Catholic Womenpriests, a small movement that began in 2002 and is independent from the Roman Catholic Church.

I'm not sure how to feel about a group like Roman Catholic Womenpriests. Of course I believe that women should be allowed to be priests, and I think that the church is hopelessly backwards in its view of women. I also believe in working to change patriarchal institutions from the inside out as well as from the outside in. And there is definitely a history of women being active in the church and doing amazing things that has been hidden and distorted over time, and that story deserves to be told. But at what point do you decide that it's no longer worthwhile to try to be a part of something that has made it so clear that they don't want you...at least not as long as you insist on full and equal participation? Is it even still possible for the church to evolve beyond its dusty old way of thinking? I don't know the answers on this one, but there's a lot to think about.

Church To Sell Convents to Pay Off Sex Abuse Settlement

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles is evicting nuns from their convents in order to sell the buildings to help pay off a $660 million settlement with victims of pedophile priests. The archdiocese announced that it will sell up to 50 non-parish properties, including their headquarters, the Los Angeles Times reports.

A convent in Santa Barbara is the first property, after the headquarters, that church officials have publicly said they will sell. Three nuns of the Sisters of Bethany order that live there have until Dec. 31 to move out. "We’re just so hurt by this," said the order’s local superior, Sister Angela Escalera, who has lived in the convent for 43 years. "And what hurts the most is what the money will be used for, to help pay for the pedophile priests. We have to sacrifice our home for that?" The local community has rallied around the sisters, raising funds to buy them a new home in the low-income neighborhood they have served for over half a century.

"The pain is being spread around...This is just part of making it right with the victims, and we all have to share in the process even though none of us, the nuns, myself, harmed anybody," said Tod M. Tamberg, a spokesperson for the archdiocese. A former Bethany sister, Evangelina Diaz, pointed out that priests in Santa Barbara live in "fabulous-looking" houses in neighborhoods where, the Washington Post reports, homes go for $2 million. "You don’t see them getting kicked out," she said.

Women can't be priests because, among other (bullshit) reasons, they could never fully embody Christ in the world because Christ was male. What they can do, apparently, is pay for the crimes of people who met that all important I-have-a-penis requirement for priesthood, but who proved through their abusive actions that they were about as far from Christ-like as it is possible to get. And they can pay for these crimes that they didn't commit while other priests live comfortably in million dollar homes. It's just how Jesus would have wanted it, don't you think?

All of this is enough to turn me into an atheist.

Okay, no it isn't. But it does make me want to define spirituality in my own way rather than stand in a church that doesn't stand with me. Of course, that may just be all the years of Catholic school trauma talking, but those are stories for another day.

November 19, 2007

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Tomorrow (November 20th) is the ninth annual Transgender Day of Remembrance.

TDoR was founded by Gwendolyn Ann Smith to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event (and the "Remembering Our Dead" web project) were organized in 1999 to honor Rita Hester, who was murdered in 1998.

Although not every person represented during the Day of Remembrance self-identified as transgendered or transsexual, each was a victim of violence based on bias against transgendered or gender-variant people. More than one person a month dies as a result of hate crimes directed at transgendered individuals, but this prejudice is largely ignored by our society.

There are a number of events going on this week in honor of TDoR.

Our myspace friends, metal band Harsh Reality (which just happens to have two awesome and sexy transgendered members) will be performing at 7pm tonight at the Bedlam Theater in Minneapolis, MN. It will be an evening of music, art, poetry and performance with many participants. 1501 S. 6th Street, West Bank, Minneapolis, MN. For info: outwardspiral.org

Find a list of other U.S. and international TDoR events: here
Find a list of Transgender and GLBT resources: here



In a somewhat related story (related by the topic of hate crimes and the fact that they suck)... We also wanted to draw your attention to the cause of Chef Josie Smith-Malave (from the second season of Top Chef):

Two months ago Chef Josie was involved in a hate crime outside a bar in Long Island, NY. More recently she has filed a complaint with the Nassau County police department for not vigorously pursuing the case and breaking their promise to treat it as the "violent hate crime it was". (So far three arrests have been made in connection with the case). Josie is accepting contributions and donations towards her legal bill for this campaign.

If you'd like to help, you can send money orders and checks (payable to "Kurland, Bonica and Associates") to:


Kurland, Bonica, & Associates, PC

304 Park Avenue South | Suite 206 | NY, NY 10010

Tel: 212 253-6911 || Fax: 212 614-2532


What better day than TDoR to take the time to let the police department - and the rest of society - know that we will not stand for bias motivated crimes or the ignorance they are based in. Today is a day to remember those we've lost, but also to acknowledge that we are who we are and no one can take that right away from us or make us afraid of being ourselves in public.

November 18, 2007

Ass Etiquette?

No, this entry has nothing to do with the proper way to request anal sex. We'll cover that issue another time. This is about another kind of ass etiquette.

The story: A few friends were sitting at a bar having many drinks on a bench by the jukebox. A skinny young hipster guy came over and started chatting with a flat breasted hipster girl and as he leaned on the jukebox he put his ass in my friend's face. Her husband was less than happy because he felt it was intentional and rude.


Husband: It's rude. He had his ass in your face.

Wife: But he had no ass.

Husband: I don't care. It's still rude.

Wife: But... he had no ass.


So I guess this begs the question: If a guy with no ass puts his ass in your face... does it make a sound? Um. No. Wait, that's not right. But really, is there ever a casual way to politely ask someone in a bar to remove their ass from your face? Even if he has no ass?

Has "Miss Manners" ever covered this dilemma?

We'd love to hear your opinions/advice... you know, for the next time one of us gets an ass-to-the-face. Or a non-ass-to-the-face.



No asses were harmed during the making of this blog entry.


November 17, 2007

An Excellent Question

Dumb Things Guys Say #17

It's a special bonus political edition of Dumb Things Guys Say, with a special bonus appearance by a card-carrying Dumb Bitch.



For those who can't watch the video, it's John McCain answering a question about Hillary Clinton at a recent campaign event, amid lots of laughter.

Dumb Bitch: How do we beat the bitch?

John McCain: That's an excellent question.

It is? Really? See, I thought it was a fucking stupid, offensive, sexist, ridiculous question. Obviously I'm not as politically savvy as that bunch of fun-loving Republicans.

As a bonus, McCain went on to claim "I respect Senator Clinton". Yeah, for sure. Just, you know, not enough to say that it might not be cool to refer to her as "the bitch". But he totally respects her.

Looking for new friends?

Dumb Things Guys Say #16

Guy: I have some weed and I'm looking for new friends... so I thought maybe I could give you guys my cell number.

Lilith: Huh? I think I must have missed a chunk of that statement...What?

Guy: I have some weed... Do you guys wanna go for a ride?

Jezebel: We're not really looking for any weed or any new friends at the moment, but thanks.

November 16, 2007

Formula for Happiness

This whole NaBloPoMo goal of posting a blog entry every day this month is going to be even easier than we thought. Why? Because we're exploiting yet another evil slutty guest blogger! Honestly, it's not just laziness on our parts... we can't help it if our friends are so awesome and talented!

So without further ado, we bring you... Chiquita:


Try to imagine this: you just walk in the door to hear the phone ring. Picking it up, you have the following conversation:
"Hello?"

"Hey, honey, it's me. How was your day?"

"Oh, fine; I just walked in the door. Is that your tachometer going?"

"Oh, yeah--I'm trying out a new speed for Wagner."

"Will you be coming over tonight for dinner?"

"Nah, I have to get this down--remember that concert coming up this weekend?"
Now, the couple above...is married. Living apart. Next door. This is the life of this couple: married, living apart. My husband and I are very much in love, granted, we're also newlyweds; however, I've often wondered what it would be like to have a house of my own, decorated just so, and to be free to live as messily or as neurotically cleanly as I pleased. Initially, when reading about successful married couples like the one above, my reaction is...I'm utterly appalled. Indeed, do they have SEX? Do they even TALK? I can't help but think it must be something like having a relationship with your neighbor that doesn't end up with your neighbor's toothbrush in your bathroom. The most natural thing in the world, or so I thought, was for a relationship to progress from a twosome living in separate domiciles to cohabiting a single residence. Having reviewed the national divorce statistics for the US, however, it's easy to see that the standard definition of marriage may not be contributing to marital happiness. So, what could be the outcome of a couple that chooses to reside in separate residences, yet remain, hopefully happily, together?

Cons
  • Decreased physical availability of partner for connubial consumption. (How the hell are you going to have sex if your partner spends his/her nights somewhere else?)
  • Kids, should one choose to reproduce; where are you going to raise them?
  • Increased dependence on yourself.
  • Finances: can one afford separate residences?
  • Dissatisfaction with relationship.
However, I've begun to see that the benefits may outweigh the drawbacks. Witness:

Pros
  • Increased independence. Hey, having to rely on yourself to change a lightbulb or fix a broken pipe may be character-enhancing.
  • Ability to decorate as you please.
  • Perhaps greater sexual satisfaction.
  • Greater reliance on communication to bridge gaps in differences.
That said, I can see a good argument for why a couple should, at least for a brief period of time, live apart, especially for the woman half of the pair. Far too many women rely on a man to provide for all their material and emotional needs instead of focusing inward on their strengths and capitalizing on them. Remaining independent even in a relationship is rationally sound, although perhaps not emotionally; indeed, a couple would need to be committed to communication and reserving judgment in order to make the leap of faith required, even if they live in apartment units next to each other. However, should one side of the pairing be otherwise incapacitated (i.e., rendered "dead"), the other would still be able to function, suspending emotional grief--an important concept where women are concerned, as too many expect their partners to either outlive them, or to provide a living that sustains them beyond the passing of their husbands (or partners, as in the case of non-traditional pairings). Maybe someday I'll have my small country manor where close friends drop by for tea on a nearly daily basis, next door to my husband's foreboding Tudor mansion with a pack of Dobermans, but until then, I'm quite happy being independent living with, and arguing with, and having sex with, my husband.


November 15, 2007

New York Magazine Stops Selling Sex Ads

Not everyone knows this, but I am an avid reader of New York magazine. So of course I was interested when they announced recently that they will no longer be running ads for sexual services. That includes all advertisements for "spas", "massages", "escorts", "strippers", "dancers", "models" and other "adult services" (that is, no more listings touting "Asian bunnies" or "Hot Latinas").

This came just two days before New York's chapter of the National Organization for Women's planned rally against the magazine, although spokespeople for New York claim that the decision was not a result of NOW's campaign and was just a move in the direction they had been intending to take for some time now. Although this makes them the 15th publication to move in that direction lately, including the New York Press and Time Out New York.

This marks another victory for NOW's campaign against human trafficking in New York City, but I'm a little torn on the issue. I'm not sure how I feel about this because while I'm obviously not a fan of human trafficking, I also have the common sense to know that not everyone who advertises for "adult services" is being forced to perform those services against their will.

Not too long ago we wrote about the controversy in Philadelphia over Judge Deni's ruling of a prostitute's rape as "theft of services". It was then that I really took the time to look into the intricacies of the Desiree Alliance and other sex workers rights advocacy groups and movements. Despite the fact that I have had almost no contact with actual sex workers (and only a limited contact with strippers), I'm realizing that I strongly support these women.


I don't personally feel that prostitution should be illegal and I definitely don't think that every woman who is a sex worker is necessarily victimized or exploited. I'm not ignorant to the harsh realities that many sex workers face and like I said, I'm obviously against human trafficking and any other form of forced prostitution or abuse. But I do think you have to draw a distinction between children smuggled in from Asia or South America and a single mother putting her self through college.
(Yeah I know most sex workers today probably don't fit either cliché, but there is a big difference). You also have to draw a distinction between an exotic dancer or masseuse - who maybe or maybe not gives a little "happy ending" on the side sometimes - and an underage "sex slave".

This just feels like too much of the old Feminism vs. Sex Work battle that I never really got, because I personally believe in a more sex-positive kind of feminism and I don't think prostitution is necessarily "bad for women". I've seen many people preach that prostitution is violence against women, "born of inequality and desperation". I don't think it always has to be. I don't disagree that it can be, but I think that has more to do with the way it is treated in our society and the fact that it still hasn't been decriminalized in most states. I don't see why you can't be both a feminist and a sex workers' rights activist, in fact I think that is how it should be.

It just makes me think of feminists like
Andrea Dworkin coming down so hard on pornography, etc. Why can't porn be good? The problem is sexist or violent porn, not PORN, period. (Dworkin was best known for her work against pornography, however she also often spoke out about prostitution - particularly her own past experiences as a prostitute and the violence against women that she felt it perpetuated).

There are so many different ways to be a "feminist", that obviously there can't ever be one definitive "feminist stance" on prostitution. In general, many radical feminists oppose prostitution because they feel it degrades and exploits women and reinforces men's position of power over women. Other feminists are against sex work, but remain supportive of sex workers. While still others (typically more liberal feminists) view prostitutes as simply women providing a business service - that just happens to be sexual - of their own free will. Some women view sex work as empowering, rather than exploitative.... but obviously that isn't the case for every woman.

NOW's stance on prostitution has been varied. Right now I'm having trouble finding information online about NOW's exact stance on sex work because everything is focused on the human trafficking, which is related but not the same issue. I can tell you that NOW is strongly against violence against women and the abuses/injustices that often occur within the realm of prostitution, but I'm having a trouble finding any clear cut information on how they feel about sex work in general.

While I applaud NOW's efforts to make this issue known - and am happy that anti-trafficking legislation passed in New York City - I don't necessarily think magazines should be pressured to stop advertising for all adult services. I think this is one of those things where it's a temporary partial solution that doesn't address the larger question and problems about sex work and what should be legal and what shouldn't. I'm okay with the idea of a magazine deciding that this isn't something they want to support anymore, but it's hard to say where to draw the line.

Here's an idea: Work with the police to use the ads to catch people who are involved in human trafficking. (Yeah, we definitely watch too much Law and Order, that our first thought is like "let's do a sting operation!") I guess we have to consider this a victory, because anything we can do to stop the exploitation and abuse of women who are forced into prostitution is a good thing.

And in the meantime if you need some adult services, there's still always craigslist.

November 14, 2007

Our New Top 28!

Yesterday - in honor of our recent anniversary and upcoming Thanksgiving - we gave a shout-out to those bloggers who had us listed on their "blogroll" lists.

Today we'd like to thank all of our myspace friends who put us in their Top 8 (or 12 or 16 or 200 or whatever).

We were pleasantly surprised to find so many of you who we didn't already know. It makes us feel all warm and fuzzy to know that those are the people who did it just because you liked us (and not because we're your friends in real life).

So for a limited time only, we've added you to our Top 8 (er, 28) to say thanks.

Names are subject to change, as myspace names often are... in no particular order:



Buy Me Stuff From Sephora

silverwaif77

Coffee Vixen

Charlotte

The Anomali

Abby

VJ

Verly

Brandi

oh tiffany

Jessica

Sad Vagina

Tabbycat

MN Bi Gals Club

~~NV ME~~

ConcreteGorillaz

Unstable Witch

Sonic Erotica

RuthEllis

Sexualiteez

darklight

Mafia Princess/GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY

AMOEBA STITCHES

FunnY DreamS

Angry Girlfriend


Honorable Mentions go to: raz [miles to go before I sleep], May and Good Vibrations who don't currently have us in their Tops, but have been awesome about "promoting" us to their friends - both on myspace and other places (yes, we're sneaky, so we know). And also because we needed three more friends to make a complete 28, stupid math. (Thanks again!)

We'd also like to thank the rest of you who forwarded our bulletins or blogs to their friends. We just adore the free publicity. Anyone else we've missed... sorry (let us know)! Thanks again for all the loooove!

And don't forget to enter the first ever ESC Contest!

November 13, 2007

"Friends of the ESC"

Sometime we like to be a little egotistical and Google ourselves (oh, that sounds dirty). So in our excessive self-Googling, we noticed some of you have added us to your "blogrolls" or "who I read" lists (or whatever else you want to call it).

So in honor of our recent anniversary (and the upcoming Thanksgiving)... we wanted to thank you all and give a little shout-out to the blogs we've found ourselves on.

In no particular order:


We'd also like to thank those of you who have linked to us in the past (including the 1,000 of you who linked to our Gardasil entries) but there are just too many of you to list.

We also noticed that quite a few of you have us in your "Top 8" on myspace. We'll give you guys a mention next time! Anyone else we've missed... sorry (let us know)! Thanks again for all the loooove!

And don't forget to enter the first ever ESC Contest!

November 12, 2007

The First Ever ESC Contest

To commemorate one whole year of Evil Slutty awesomeness and to thank you all for continuously stopping by (we have our stat counter going, so we know who you are)... we'd like to invite you to participate in the first ever Evil Slutopia Contest!!

You could win many fabulous prizes! No, not really. You can win one or two not-so-fabulous (but hey, we think they're cool) prizes! You will also win fame and recognition by being featured on our blog. Okay, not so much fame and recognition... but maybe up to twelve people will see your name on the Internet. That's kinda cool right? Okay, whatever... enter the goddamn contest anyway, alright!?

So here goes...

The "Dare the ESC" Contest

Just what it says: Dare the ESC.

Dare us to do something - anything - and if you win, we promise to do it and share the experience with the world. You can suggest anything you'd like to see us do/write about/take pictures of/make fun of/etc. in the upcoming year. This is your chance to have an effect on what the Evil Slut Clique does (and in turn, blogs about). Make your mark on Evil Slutopia! And if we like your idea the best, we'll send you a little something special to say thanks.


OFFICIAL CONTEST RULES
1. Submit your entry via email only, to evilslutopia@yahoo.com (DO NOT SUBMIT YOUR ENTRY AS A COMMENT).

2. You may enter as many times as you like, but please send a separate email for each entry.

3. Please put as the email subject: "Dare the ESC Contest"

4. Each entry should contain the following information:
  • Your name (or alias, if you're secretive)
  • Your email address (this will not be made public)
  • Your dare
  • How you first found out about the Evil Slut Clique
5. THE DEADLINE TO ENTER IS: December 17, 2007.

6. Do not email us "so did you choose a winner yet?" "So did I win?" "So when do I find out if I won?" or anything else like that. We can't really tell how long it will take us to judge, until we see how many entries we receive. (It's possible we'll only get like two entries and you'll know the next day that you either won or came in second place... but we're hoping that at least a few of you will enter).

7. We will not discuss the voting/judging/decision-making process with you. Be assured that there is no scientific system being used. We're gonna get together and just pick the ones we like best. Yes, it's that arbitrary.

8. After a winner has been selected you will be contacted by email and asked for a mailing address (so we can send you your prize).

9. We will then announce the winner/s on the blog and post the winning entry (and maybe a few of our favorite non-winning entries too). We'd love to hear your feedback on the entries once they're posted, but we don't want to hear "that sucks, mine was better!" because that's just being a sore loser.

10. Nothing. I just felt like the list needed a number ten.