He was completely hilarious. At one point he brought up the topic of penis size and asks the audience "Ladies, does penis size really matter?" (or something like that, I'm paraphrasing because who can remember exactly what he said... I was drunk!) Anyway, being the drunk asshole that I am, I shouted out "YES!" He looked right at me and said "So how big is big?" I didn't have an answer to that. How big is big? I told him (and the entire audience, shame) that I didn't know because "I've never measured... I don't whip out the ruler or anything". I turned to the people sitting next to me, one of whom was a huge black guy, and he says, "Don't look at him, I'm not asking him, we know he has a big dick!"
After my embarrassment died down (and I had a few more drinks)... I started to wonder, how big is big? I don't know why I shouted out "YES!" (well, I know why, it was the alcohol) because penis size doesn't really matter to me that much. I'll be honest... I probably haven't had that much experience with so-called "big" penises. I've been around a lot of penises in my day, but I think they were probably, for the most part, average. Or were they?
According to About.com (because they know everything):
Average penis length (flaccid/not erect): from 3.4 inches to 3.7 inchesAnd did you know that there is actually something called a "micropenis"? How mean (but cute) is that name? That's the actual clinical term!! As if they didn't feel bad enough.
Average penis length (erect): from 5.1 inches to 5.7 inches
Average penis girth (circumference when erect): from 3.5 inches to 3.9 inches
I know that whole saying "it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean" and that's usually true. (Size isn't the only thing that matters, but yes, it usually does matter somewhat). I've been told by a lot of women that it's not the length of the penis that matters, but the width/girth... but if you're really lacking in length then that's not too good either. And yes there is such a thing as too big, especially if you're into giving blow jobs (which I am)... but how many men out there really have the problem of being too big?
I have never measured the penis of a man I've slept with. Although I'm sure they have, I'm not about to start calling up every guy I've ever fucked just to ask them... (especially since I don't know all of their phone numbers... or, um... names).
So I ask you, loyal Evil Slutopia readers (you know, all six of you)... what is "big" and what is "not big enough" and what is "too big"? Inquiring minds want to know. No, they need to know.
EDITED TO ADD: Yeah, we realize we're totally exploiting Dave Attell's name to get you to read this. Shameless, just shameless.